Sarah Ferguson is to forge a new career as a ‘horse whisperer’ after she calmed a steed that had thrown its rider during an event at the Kensington Pony Club. ‘It was spooky,’ said one startled onlooker, ‘it was like it had met one of its own kind. But then, she’s always had a knack for charming noble donkeys with big teeth and no balls, so it’s right up her alley!’
Since finding her niche, Ferguson has been working closely with prestigious trainer Henry Cecil who is looking to repeat his success in training young fillies in the more challenging area of spent nags. ‘For the most part - so far so good,’ according to assistant trainer, Michael Marshall. ‘She has a good eye for the prize and is used to being knee-deep in shit.’
‘But, we have had a few issues with the Duchess’s grooming of the horses with the richest owners’, Marshall continues. ‘We’ve already caught her having sex with a Queen Elizabeth II stakes winner in a bid to get closer to the crown, and she has made several unsuccessful attempts to mount “Twice Over”, the champion colt owned by Prince Khalid Abdullah. We thought about telling her that she can’t have horsey children, but have you seen Princess Beatrice?’
In spite of a hectic work schedule of three mornings per week, the Duchess hopes to continue writing her inspirational ‘Budgie the Little Helicopter’ books and plans to continue her charitable work when it doesn’t overlap “Ladies’ Day’’.
However, the move is likely to mean the end of her surprisingly successful career on the American talk show circuit. ‘The chat show thing is good money, but hanging around with Oprah is ghastly, she’s so much richer than me!’ said Ferguson. ‘Plus, I don’t like the people I have to meet; I just can’t stand classless lazy scroungers!’