The UK has narrowly voted in favour of leaving the beautiful sunshine and warm temperatures of the last week, following a nationwide referendum held yesterday.
Despite strong votes to keep the good weather in Scotland and Northern Ireland, where good weather has only been seen once before in the last 45 years, the traditional bad-weather loving areas of England and Wales voted overwhelmingly for the sun to disappear as soon as possible.
“Bloody sunshine”, said David Cunningham from Oldham. “I mean, it doesn’t even come from this planet, never mind this country, but thinks it can just swan in here as it pleases. And it causes cancer. How much is that costing our NHS? At least with the clouds and rain you know they were made in Britain.”
The good weather had been widely praised for the benefits that it brought to the UK, including flowers, people feeling warm and happy and beautiful women walking around in incredibly revealing clothes. However, many people were left feeling dis-satisfied with some of the consequences of being part of the good weather.
“This good weather is a disaster. I mean I’ve seen swarms of bees coming over here, possibly from Africa”, said Charlene Shaw, a UKIP member from Salisbury. “These foreign bees are coloured, they frighten children and they sting people in random suicide attacks. These are indisputable facts, and, quite simply, the bees wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the good weather.”
Although it is now expected to rain for the rest of the Summer, those who campaigned to leave the good weather behind have confidently predicted that the last week’s good weather is likely to return during Autumn and Winter.
