Dave Crafter, 35 from Ilford, is suing both McDonalds and Carlsberg in the latest "where there's blame there's a claim" episode
"I used to pride myself by being able to lie back on the bed with my girl and see the old JT twitch in the nestled hair. After 15 years of McDonalds and Carlsberg I cant see over my stomach to see him, even when he's on sentry duty. It's ruining my love life as I keep having to looking in the mirror to see if the old snake is still there
When I was 25 I made an investment in a Prince Albert for pleasure, and to break the ice as a discussion piece in any after-dinner chat and now I feel Ive been cheated out of that money
Countless complaints got me nowhere so I had to go to the press. I got on GMTV but one of the cameramen called me a fat bastard and it all kicked off
Me court hearing's on Wednesday, do us a sympathy piece before then ..."