Wild celebrations took place this weekend when Blackpool fans realised that they were in the top half of the Premier League, needless bouts of drinking led to alcohol fuelled violence which left the UK's top resort reeling.
Blackpool Mayor says that despite the season not having kicked off yet and Blackpool's position in 5th place being purely as a result of the alphabetic situation was irrelevant. "We'll have very little to celebrate this season apart from the fabulous, world famous 'Blackpool Illuminations' and Ken Dodd at the Tower Ball Room at Xmas, so lets have a knees up now before we slide back into oblivion!"
Accusations that the Mayor of Blackpool used the press release as an opportunity to promote yet another crap attraction at the Blackpool Pleasure Beach were brushed off. "I used the words 'slide' and 'oblivion' in their proper context, now fuck off!" was his precise reply!