The mother of a gynaecologist who was examining the nether-regions of Katie Price has spoken of her devastation after her son was swallowed by the glamour model’s cavernous front-bottom. ‘We just can’t believe it’, said Dr Ryan Gleeson’s stricken mother. ‘He was such a consummate professional, and a very experienced potholer.’
Search and rescue teams worked for hours to recover the doctor, who had been consulting with the celebrated author regarding possible vaginal reconstruction. However, the search was called off after twelve hours, as according to Harold Walters, leader of the Peak District Mountain Rescue team, ‘given how vacuous Miss Price appears, there was little chance that he could have survived the fall or a likely encounter with the vagina dentata that has consumed many of her former partners.’
Mr Walters also revealed that Dr Gleeson had neglected to follow standard safety precautions and left himself with little chance of survival or rescue had something gone wrong. ‘For some reason he didn’t rig any safety ropes. We think this may have been due to the inherently corrosive nature of Miss Price rendering anything less than gold and diamond completely useless.’
Miss Price admitted that she was ‘shocked and disturbed’ by what had happened, ‘To be honest, the first I knew of it was when the guy from Mountain Rescue was sticking his helmet in there. Obviously, I’m really sorry for his family’s loss, and I hope to sing about it on my next single. It’s out on Monday’.
It is likely that the former Eurovision hopeful will have the work completed once the exclusive London clinic has carried out the appropriate risk assessments and staff have received their mountaineering licences.
In the meantime, Miss Price hopes to attain ‘National Park’ status and has already received favourable reviews from the British Caving Association, who said ‘The Caverns of Jordan present a similar level of difficulty to the enthusiastic amateur as might be found in the networks of the Mendip Hills, albeit with a little less soul.’