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Mystery surrounds repeated absences of 'useless fat pillock' salesman 2 custard cream 1 year
Government restoring Eastbourne Pier to conserve south coast mediocrity 1 marymole 1 year
Pagans and Druids issue official apology for Stonehenge 16 beau-jolly 2 years
Mystery over absences of 'useless pillock' salesman 2 Oxbridge 5 years