http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 11:15:25 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-24311 Fri, 23 Jul 2010 19:45:02 +0000 thisisall1word 24311@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Web Campaign sees BT's Jane marry Justin Bieber </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-24310 Fri, 23 Jul 2010 19:38:58 +0000 Mrblacker 24310@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Web virus ends BT's 'Gold Blend couple rip-off' ad series</strong></p> <p>British Telecom's revealed the ending of the tedious series of adverts in which a ridiculous couple try to arrange their wedding over the firm's phone and internet connections.</p> <p>"Our website's seen literally 10's of people offering us solutions for the series" BT's Head of Excuses Stella Jacks explained. "The overall winner is being filmed in Plymouth, London and the Turks and Caicos as we speak. It's not an obvious ending and quite frankly we're all a little disappointed."</p> <p>The plot for the final minute long ad goes like this. Having seen something on the web that looks like a daring and attractive stag night activity, Adam (<em>Kris Marshall</em>)is hospitalised after breaking his leg and hair in a freak fall. His fiancee Jane (<em>Esther Hall</em>) is seen at his bedside as he steadily gets worse, with the life support machine indicating the worsening situation.</p> <p>It's only in the last 15 seconds that Adam realises that his MILF intended is actually a trojan horse virus imported to his life (computer) thanks to his 'questionnable' internet habits, originating in Turks and Caicos and that 'Jane' is actually a 370lb single-man spamming operation called Herve.</p> <p>"We are disappointed in the outcome" Ms Jacks continued. "But that's the british public for you; no sense of corporate identity and marketing. Personally, I'd like Adam to have got married and then broadcast his athletic and energetic wedding night on our streaming web service to demonstrate our impressive download speeds." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-24201 Fri, 23 Jul 2010 10:46:09 +0000 QorbeQ 24201@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Advertisement shock as Adam tells Jane 'the wedding's off'</strong></p> <p>Advertising's latest Gold Blend couple, BT's 'Adam and Jane', are in crisis talks with media agency MediaVest after TV star Kris Marshall said he was having 'second thoughts' about his impending television wedding to Jane, played by Esther Hall.</p> <p>Actor Kris, also known as 'him off The Family' has decided to postpone filming his marriage to 'that MILF off the BT advert' after a boozy night planning his stag weekend ended sourly with his best man telling him 'don't do it'. 'I started reconsidering what I was doing just the other day after that little shit Lucy spilled the beans to her dad,' he said. 'She even invited him to the bloody wedding. There's no way I'm getting married with that tosser and his 'secretary' criticising everything.'</p> <p>'Me and the guys have had some really deep chats after a few pints recently and it's made me realise that Jane is probably a whole heap of trouble,' said Kris. 'Quite apart from the clearly rocky foundations to our relationship, my mates have pointed out to me that she's already dumped some handsome, well-off bloke who clearly dotes on his daughter, just for being a bit of a workaholic.'</p> <p>'I don't think that I'm as bad as that when it comes to my acting work, but I can be a bit of a geek when it comes to broadband internet access - like the time I moved the microwave oven to a different mains socket and disconnected the entire extension wiring of the house to get a little bit of extra speed when I became a bit addicted to the YouPorn website,' explained Kris. 'My best man Clive told me I can be a 'boring knob' and that Esther will probably just dump me in favour of a nice interesting CSA agreement once she's used me as a live-in sperm donor.'</p> <p>'I just don't know what to to,' said the disheartened actor, 'because she's a really good shag, but I not sure if I can go through with a wedding just for the famous benefit of 'guaranteed sex' that getting married always brings. Pardon? They stop what? Conjugal? Oh my god.....get my agent on the phone! NOW!!!' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23627 Tue, 20 Jul 2010 17:16:03 +0000 antharrison 23627@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jane turns out to be Raoul Moat's ex, and he pays them a visit as it turns-out the Police had the wrong man all along </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23603 Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:58:23 +0000 thisisall1word 23603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Adam &amp; Jane become disturbed and confused while watching Love Actually on ITV3 as Adam sees someone who looks identicle to him acting within the film.<br /> Further levels of anger, confusion and questioning of their own sanity occur as they watch an advert for BT with Adam watching online pornogrphy with the mates on a stag weekend.<br /> BT change tagline to "Your existence is ultimately a meaningless experience and may as well be a small part of some higher beings twisted day dream. Giving in to reality is to ignore the multitude of possibilities that could explain what you take to be truth." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23590 Tue, 20 Jul 2010 13:18:45 +0000 The Return of DroleNoel 23590@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Adam fails to survive the stag night due to unfortunate stranglewank incident. Horrified Jane sees the footage on a live bt broadband webcast. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23545 Tue, 20 Jul 2010 08:36:52 +0000 andhrimnir 23545@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love life. Love living hundreds of miles from your wife and her kids. Love broadband. The secret of a happy marriage. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23514 Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:50:09 +0000 Mr.3374 23514@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bt announce merger with OXO to give Adam and Jane advertising career into middle age. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23509 Mon, 19 Jul 2010 19:48:41 +0000 Svendo 23509@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Adam disappointed after the marriage when Jane promptly is moved to India. Anytime he wants to speak to her he has to wait in a queue and be hung up on several times. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23501 Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:26:35 +0000 andhrimnir 23501@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>BT in "u r dmpd u drty bstrd" advert twist as Adam's stag night "download" posted on goo-tube </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23493 Mon, 19 Jul 2010 16:57:08 +0000 afternoonslow 23493@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jane finds out that ex husband has won fifty million on the lottery two days after the "Decree Absolute" and is off to Honolulu with her younger sister whilst new Heed-the-Ba' fellow has been arrested when found naked in bath with under sixteen football team.<br /> She tries to hang herself with BT phone cord but this breaks halfway through leaving her so severely brain damaged that she has to work in a BT Call Centre for rest of life. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23478 Mon, 19 Jul 2010 14:23:40 +0000 simonjmr 23478@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Broad Banned as Jane imposes stripper ban on Adam's stag night. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=8748#post-23471 Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:18:40 +0000 jp1885 23471@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This week's Neat-O challenge</p> <p>Viewers in the UK may already be aware of/bored/nauseated by the antics of Adam and Jane, the soon-to-be married couple that feature in the advertisements of a certain telephone company (For those unfamiliar with these guys think the Gold Blend / Taster's Choice couple).</p> <p>This company is now <a href="http://www.vote.bt.com/">asking for viewers</a> to decide what happens next, but I'd much rather see what my fellow biscuiteers think.</p> <p>Therefore, this week's Neat-O challenge is to write a one-liner or article featuring the continuing story of Adam and Jane.</p> <p>You have until midday next Monday, and the winner will be announced hopefully sometime that afternoon. </p>