http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 18 Jun 2013 08:08:19 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166549 Thu, 07 Mar 2013 09:53:04 +0000 Des Custard 166549@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicely done Geri. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166545 Thu, 07 Mar 2013 09:19:58 +0000 Perks 166545@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great FP. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166542 Thu, 07 Mar 2013 08:46:39 +0000 Gerontius 166542@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Many thanks everyones.<br /> Looks like ASBO's return brought me a bit of good fortune.<br /> Thanks young man....I've bought you a tube of your favourite glue.<br /> It just goes to show custodial sentences can work. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166532 Thu, 07 Mar 2013 05:18:13 +0000 Yikes 166532@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And now a great FP.</p> <p>With some nice extra bits from the Ed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166529 Thu, 07 Mar 2013 00:31:11 +0000 Not Amused 166529@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good,</p> <p>Bad day ends with a smile for millionth Syrian refugee </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166525 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 23:33:35 +0000 rickwestwell 166525@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant, Gerry! I like hercule's idea of ramming in a bit of satire about the west's response, and agree the headline didn't grab me - I almost overlooked the sub.</p> <p>I think the Nissan is too good to leave out of the headline, you want people to know how funny it all is - how about "Lucky one millionth refugee speaks of delight at winning prize Nissan" ?</p> <p>Or something. Great piece from Gerontius, as ever. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166519 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 22:41:16 +0000 writinginbsl 166519@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ooohhh-lovely juxtaposition gerry</p> <p>class stuff </p> <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166517 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 22:09:14 +0000 Oxbridge 166517@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Joy for Syria's millionth refugee in Micra win' (?)</p> <p>All those years of headline writing finally paying off... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166511 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 21:05:04 +0000 Sinnick 166511@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Happy to take the blame for a sick joke if it helps the cause. Anyone seen DV0 lately ?</p> <p>Not entirely sure about the punchline. It's not bad, but not the best joke in the sub. Again, maybe some competitive reference to Zimbabwe ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166495 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 19:20:21 +0000 irreverendJ 166495@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>headline: One in a million wins lottery prize </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166483 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 18:37:32 +0000 Golgo13 166483@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166478 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:55:52 +0000 ASBO 1 166478@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sod off. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166473 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:39:31 +0000 Gerontius 166473@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks folks - lots of great suggestions there to fill it out.<br /> The car can hold a fully grown family of five....or seven if some are amputees (blame Sinnick not me)</p> <p>Hello <strong>ASBO</strong><br /> Good to see you.<br /> Did you serve your time or did you bribe a guard?<br /> Is that your electronic tag on eBay?<br /> Either way, it's great to have you back.<br /> Look forward to your in depth and balanced observations. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166464 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 15:20:18 +0000 Dick Everyman 166464@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@Titus.....<strong>Bastards like Assad are difficult to satirise</strong></p> <p><img src="http://images.wikia.com/themunsters/images/6/6b/Herman_Munster_001.jpg"><br /> <img src="http://www.ndtv.com/news/images/story_page/Bashar_Assad_295.jpg"></p> <p>Spot the difference </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166443 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:34:55 +0000 Titus 166443@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yup - 5 fully-deserved stars from me too. Fully-warranted, angry, vicious, biting satire.</p> <p>Bastards like Assad are difficult to satirise when, after months of using jet fighters and artillery to slaughter his own civilian population, he describes the West's talk of supplying humanitary aid as "militarising the conflict". This makes me too angry to be able to be funny about it, but I'm glad someone on here has managed to write something biting enough. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166442 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:25:33 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 166442@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Needs a stronger headline but very good.</p> <p>I'm no good at headlines so not offering any alternatives. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166439 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:24:00 +0000 ASBO 1 166439@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny stuff Ronty old son. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166436 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:05:22 +0000 Sinnick 166436@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really, really good dark humour. Excellent even.</p> <p>Some thoughts, if you need them:<br /> - 0-60 in 5.3 seconds might be <em>just</em> enough to escape an RPG.<br /> - still a long way from Zimbabwe's record-breaking refugee count of 3+ million<br /> - "whole family of refugees" - what's left of them [for extra dark humour]<br /> - Aid agencies turning up in top-of-the-range 4x4's (not all agencies of course, but I've seen "charitable" agency vehicles in Kenya that cost more than the supplies to feed a village for several years) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166428 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 12:29:01 +0000 herculepoisson 166428@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I really like this.</p> <p>I think it could be strengthened by making more of a satirical point about the West's feeble response to Syria. Ashwad could perhaps say something like, 'At times when we were coming under remorseless attack by President al-Assad's forces, it felt as if the rest of the world had forgotten about our suffering. But I now feel a fool for doubting the international community's response to humanitarian disasters. This brand new Nissan Micra is just the ticket.'</p> <p>You could also praise the versatility of the Nissan Micra, its excellent handling in war-torn urban environments, suspension able to cope with pot-holes caused by mortar rounds, and it's unparalleled ability to go from 0-60 in 5.3 seconds when fleeing from advancing forces. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166426 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 11:46:38 +0000 Perks 166426@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good job, Stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166425 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 11:42:19 +0000 Yikes 166425@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166423 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 11:28:41 +0000 Dick Everyman 166423@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great stuff Mr G! Hope he gets Legal assistance and emotional breakdown cover... Stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57422#post-166419 Wed, 06 Mar 2013 11:07:48 +0000 Gerontius 166419@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Syrian man was celebrating last night after being declared the one millionth refugee to flee the conflict devastating his country.<br /> Not only was the man awarded the prize for reaching the prestigious 1m milestone by the UN High Commisioner for Refugees but was also awarded a brand new Nissan Micra 1.2 complete with a four year warranty and free 10,000 mile service.<br /> Father of five Ashwad El Hambri was handed the keys to the hatchback just moments after collapsing in a heap suffering from hypothermia and dehydration as he crossed the border into Turkey.<br /> The UN High Commissioner said the prize winner had actually been quite lucky to receive the luxury family saloon as technically it was his brother who had been the 1m refugee to cross the Syrian border but as he had died in El Hambri’s arms just moments before and his entire family had been killed in a mortar attack during the week it as only right the car went to his closest living relative.<br /> The refugee said he had no idea there was a car up for grabs for the 1m person to cross the border and it was only a stroke of luck that they were in the right place at the right time as earlier in the day they had had to stop off to bury his mother in the desert.<br /> But the UN spokesman said all Syrian nationals had been entered into the draw for the car and had been surprised it had not been won earlier.<br /> The UN Commissioner said the Nissan was one of the most economical budget cars on the market and if they drove carefully a whole family of refugees could flee as far as the Greek or Bulgarian borders on just one tank of petrol </p>