http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 19:03:43 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024#post-165217 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 17:47:31 +0000 beau-jolly 165217@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I tried something similar 'kin ages ago. It got one-starred and died a death. Still like the concept.<br /> <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27874">Its a lottery</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024#post-165195 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:19:53 +0000 fink 165195@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think the essence could be captured in a very nice ticker: "Punter lost £2 on 'unmiraculous' seven-horse accumulator, announces Ladbrokes" - says it all, bob's your uncle, nice one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024#post-165191 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:04:39 +0000 Lucy4 165191@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't much like the name James Stanley for the manager. He sounds a bit like an explorer. How about James Piggott or Francis Dick? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024#post-165190 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:04:33 +0000 Lens Cap 165190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Short and sweet </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024#post-165183 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 12:58:14 +0000 Oxbridge 165183@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A few edits based on that. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024#post-165178 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 12:06:19 +0000 Lens Cap 165178@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like the premise, but personally feel it is missing something. I think it would be so much better if the idea and jokes could be cut to an NiB length as the jokes feel to spread out.</p> <p> Paragraph 2 I think could be a lot tighter. Something like;</p> <p>'We like to share fairly typical stories about betting, not just huge successes' said James Scudamore, manager of the shop. 'We need to show our profits come from lots of people losing relatively small amounts otherwise we look like complete mugs, don't we?'</p> <p>I would also change the name of the Manager as Scudamore is a name well associated with racing with trainers and jockeys. Having as a ladbrokes shop manager is a tad confusing.</p> <p> I think Paragraph 4 also needs a stronger ending. At the moment it ends flat. I would cut it from 'with various other...' and attach the beginning to the end of paragraph 3.</p> <p> With the last paragraph I would lose the bit about the lasagne, I know people are still joking about it but it this piece it doesn't fit in with the punchline. So here is how I would have it</p> <p>A 58-year-old unemployed welder, Fred Stubbs, failed by a wide margin to get lucky at the races yesterday, when only one of the seven horses he backed in an accumulator romped home in first at Sandown Park. The unremarkable bet was placed in Ladbrokes shop on the High Street in Egham.</p> <p> 'We like to share fairly typical stories about betting, not just huge successes' said James Stanley, manager of the shop. 'We need to show our profits come from lots of people losing relatively small amounts otherwise we look like complete mugs, don't we?'</p> <p>Stubbs's mundane bet was based on horses randomly selected from the entire card, with any winning going on the next race. Had this happened, he would have won about £1.8 million net of tax. Unfortunately, only the fourth horse came up trumps by which time it was all academic. The poignancy of the occasion was reduced still further by the fact that there was a 10/1 shot called Lucky Gamble and a favourite optimistically named In the Money at 5/2. However, Stubbs did not back either of them and they both finished out of the frame in any case.</p> <p>'We like share both sides of the business to show gambling is always a good experience. we win his money, he has the excitement of a flutter. As they say in business, it's a win-win scenario. Well, except for all the shabby alcoholic losers, that is.'</p> <p> Thats about 240 words, but I think paragraph 2 and 4 say the same thing so I would also get rid of one and finish with the other.</p> <p>But what would I know? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024#post-165166 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 10:30:51 +0000 Yikes 165166@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very enjoyable and good! 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57024#post-165163 Wed, 27 Feb 2013 10:14:45 +0000 Oxbridge 165163@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A 58-year-old unemployed welder, Fred Stubbs, failed by a wide margin to get lucky at the races yesterday, when only one of the seven horses he backed in an accumulator romped home in first at Sandown Park. The unremarkable bet was placed in Ladbrokes shop on the High Street in Egham, it has since emerged.</p> <p>'We like to share fairly typical stories about betting with the world,' said James Stanley, manager of the shop. 'There are occasional instances where punters take us to the cleaners, but what we really need to publicise is the way lots of people lose relatively small amounts. We don't want to make ourselves look complete mugs, do we?'</p> <p>Stubbs's mundane bet was based on horses randomly selected from the entire card at the meeting, with the winnings reinvested on successive races. Had this happened, his £2 stake would have netted him £1.8 million. Unfortunately, only the fourth horse, Wild Outlaw, came up trumps for him, by which time it was all academic.</p> <p>The limited poignancy of the occasion was reduced still further by the fact that there was a 10/1 shot in the first race called Lucky Gamble and the favourite in the last was In the Money, at 5/2. However, Stubbs did not back either of them and they finished out of the frame in any case. Despite dog number four coming up for him in the 2.58 at Perry Barr, Stubbs ended up £18 down on his afternoon's betting.</p> <p>'On the plus side for Fred, he won't starve because the local Tesco is selling beef lasagne at £5 for three,' said Stanley. 'He even joked with me as he left that that's what they should do with all the horses he backs. But it was all good - we won his money, he had the excitement of a flutter. As they say in business, it's a win-win scenario. Well, except for all the shabby alcoholic losers, that is.' </p>