http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 08:15:36 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164868 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 17:32:41 +0000 shaggy 164868@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks chaps - will revisit when I get a chance. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164858 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:20:47 +0000 Midfield Diamond 164858@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I can't help thinking that the best line on the subject was by Half Man Half Biscuit - but linking that to Prince Andrew could get you thrown in The Tower. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164854 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:11:12 +0000 Perks 164854@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh I don't know, i'm sure everyone is open to offers </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164853 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:10:50 +0000 Titus 164853@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Why not make more explicit refrences to the original rhyme?</p> <p>'Squaddies said "It was great when we were at the top; the satisfaction of mission acomplished. And were were used to waiting in reserve at the bottom; we could cope with that. But the situation was much less clear when we were half way up. The uncertainty was doing our heads in." ' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164849 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:04:55 +0000 dvo4fun 164849@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Now you can't buy advice like this, shaggy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164840 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 14:45:32 +0000 Perks 164840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>We need more feedback of that calibre round here.</p> <p>Personally I would refer to him as the duke of York so the joke is clearer, earlier. Also, and this is more of a personal thing, I would avoid 'who refused to be named'. I would just say one squadie told us, or use a friends name or make one up, but not a silly name.</p> <p> Also look to see if you can get any more jokes in there as at the moment you have the general joke of the piece but nothing to keep the laughs coming.</p> <p>With regards to exclamation marks, I agree with VCG (that Vertically Challenged Giant to those in the know) but see nothing wrong with a weak punch line followed by a big *BOOM* to let people know its funny </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164839 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 14:45:08 +0000 charlies_hat 164839@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd be more concerned about the Grand Old Duchess of York's sexual health.</p> <p>Obviously that would be funnier as :</p> <p>I'd be more concerned about the Grand Old Duchess of York's sexual health!!!!!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164836 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 14:42:04 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 164836@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shaggy – the last time people tried to give you some helpful advice you seemed to take it very well, so here’s some more...</p> <p>Don’t use exclamation marks in stories. You won’t generally find them in BBC news stories and that’s what you should be basing your style on.</p> <p>That goes for anybody else who has come from the Spoof too, as they seem to have a lot of exclamation marks over there. Whatever you do, don’t use them in the headline. Using them in the story itself is a stylistic no-no, but using them in the headline makes it look like the whole thing has been written by a retarded 12 year-old.</p> <p>With regards to this story, I think the idea itself has potential but the execution isn’t great. You’ve got about 5 hours until the edit window closes if you want to try and tidy it up.</p> <p>If I have to provide an example of my work to be qualified to give advice then you can find some by clicking on my name.</p> <p>If you find some with an exclamation mark in that doesn't mean I'm wrong, it just means I've learned since then. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56916#post-164832 Mon, 25 Feb 2013 14:00:40 +0000 shaggy 164832@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More former squaddies have come out with accusations of bullying by the Queen’s second son, when he was in charge of the Royal Highland Fusiliers in the Cairngorms.</p> <p>In one particularly incident Andrew, 57, reportedly ordered 10 regiments, each of a thousand men, to march up and down Ben Nevis repeatedly in full battle gear.</p> <p>A squaddie, who refused to be named, said “I was elated when we reached the peak, after being very depressed at the start, although near the mid-point I was pretty much neutral about the whole thing!” </p>