http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 15:00:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163310 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 09:41:29 +0000 Audible Minority 163310@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>How about ...</p> <p>Israeli plot to obliterate Iran thwarted by Iranian Secret Police. "How were we to know that '2012 DA14' is a Jewish name?" says Mossad intelligence chief. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163303 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 09:10:26 +0000 lane-avenger 163303@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just caught up with this thread, so apols for replying a day late, but I am always pleased to get 1 star - appreciate this makes me sound sad but better than being ignored isn't it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163277 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 23:36:13 +0000 AReader 163277@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd say it was unfocussed and too long. If it lost the first sentence of paragraph 3 and all of 4 and 5 it would tighten up the insanity. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163244 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 18:45:04 +0000 Mr Target 163244@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well I've neither read it nor given it any stars. </p> <p>So there! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163239 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 18:02:47 +0000 waylandsmithy 163239@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gone up elsewhere now, didn't seem any point leaving it here after today's meteorite FP. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163158 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 09:09:19 +0000 rickwestwell 163158@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I agree with everything Paddy says (about this sub, I mean, not literally everything he says).</p> <p>I was waiting for the North Korea/Russia/Wayland's patio punchline, and then realised I'd got it wrong, but it was so much fun just floating along enjoying the read that it didn't matter. 5* for general fun and madness.</p> <p>Edit: Having just five-starred it, the star counter didn't move! Looks like someone's done a sneaky multiple 1-starrer! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163157 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 08:59:25 +0000 waylandsmithy 163157@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yeah, I might edit it down a bit to make it tighter and chuck it elsewhere. Cheers for the comments, and thanks to JETFAB for bothering to log in and one-star me again. Always a pleasure to get feedback from my favourite unfunny moron. I'd be even more upset if I thought he/she could read. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163150 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 07:11:51 +0000 Audible Minority 163150@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Far too clever for me. I can't see the point. I hope it's not wasted on other NewsBiscuit readers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163144 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 02:28:23 +0000 Paddy Berzinski 163144@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm no expert, and hardly one to criticise someone with such an excellent pedigree as Wayland, but I'm with Yikes on this. I love reading the articles here, but with this one it's a little confusing initially. It's never quite clear where it's coming from or where it's going. Having said that, the understanding dawns the more you get into it, and it's a very good and original idea which eventually says a great deal. It's like one of those songs that you hear that you're never quite sure about, but which eventually grow on you. To the tune of five starry things. I'd give another five for it deviating from all the terrible horsemeat and Pope material, but it seems I can only award the one five star seal of approval. Well done Sir. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163135 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 00:54:04 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 163135@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this, especially the cheesecake bit, but feel it would benefit from a reference to either Oscar Pistorious, horsemeat or both. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163134 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 00:54:01 +0000 dvo4fun 163134@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely. </p> <p>M personal favourite was the the para starting "To emphasise the threat..." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163129 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 00:44:37 +0000 Perks 163129@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one Wayland. Does this mean you have personally been under attack from Iran? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163120 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 00:29:43 +0000 Username 163120@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 kosher stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163111 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:37:29 +0000 waylandsmithy 163111@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gyppo? That's the most confusing critique I've ever received.</p> <p>I googled it, and it's a shit Chinese car. Makes you think. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163106 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:24:23 +0000 lane-avenger 163106@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>gyppo </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163103 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:23:19 +0000 button 163103@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't think so Wayland. I think you'll find he's a shop window dresser from Chelsea. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163100 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:07:03 +0000 waylandsmithy 163100@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, is he a footballer? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163099 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 23:00:37 +0000 Yikes 163099@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That would infringe your "no football subs" policy so that wouldn't work. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163097 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 22:48:09 +0000 waylandsmithy 163097@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No, not really, just the inspiration for it.</p> <p>Maybe it would work better if I suggested John Terry was seen trying to fuck the dead Russians? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163090 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 22:20:11 +0000 Yikes 163090@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some funny lines in here.</p> <p>I must admit I was confused for the first half of the sub wondering how this was being linked to the Russian meteorite shower and then it dawned on me that it wasn't! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56448#post-163087 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 22:10:23 +0000 waylandsmithy 163087@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Israel’s intelligence service, Mossad, has claimed to have ‘really quite good’ information that proves Iran is secretly testing secret meteorites, deep inside a secret cavern in the secret Zagros mountain range.</p> <p>Speaking from inside a bin to protect his identity, Mossad agent Golan Aharoni ejected a small pebble from his hiding place, thought to be a ‘key component’ to the deadly space rock. “Our agents bravely retrieved this evidence, some of them without the protection of a bin”, echoed Aharoni. “This is clearly part of a larger geological plot to crush Israel, and send shock waves throughout the Middle East.”</p> <p>Aharoni described how the meteorite was first spotted on Google Earth, which led to an undercover mission to excavate holes all over the Iranian countryside. “Using our most discrete bombing methods, we have unearthed a large portion of their ‘smoking rock’”, mumbled the man from Mossad. “We were shocked to find a meteorite the size of Iran under development. It's just a matter of time before they develop a missile capable of launching it.”</p> <p>Aharoni warned other world leaders that it wasn’t just Israel that was at risk, and insisted the Iranians were also developing smaller meteorites that could be hidden in a suitcase. Undetectable to airport X-rays but admittedly quite hard to carry, Aharoni suggested it was just a ‘matter of time’ before a really strong terrorist delivered one to London, New York or Paris.</p> <p>To emphasise the threat, Mossad has made a video of a meteorite simulation, in which a cheesecake is smashed to pieces by a man with a hammer. “Imagine that the hammer is a rock, and then imagine that the imaginary rock is a theoretical meteorite, roughly 800 miles across”, suggested Aharoni. “I don’t know about you, but I quite like cheesecake, so these bastards must be stopped.”</p> <p>But some in Israel fear that the detective work may have come too late, and that micro-meteorites could already have been smuggled into the region. The evidence is compelling: a child digging foundations for his family in the disputed West Bank found an improvised stone recently, with ‘Iranian plot’ written all over it. </p> <p>“Oddly enough it was written in Hebrew, but they probably use that as a code in Iran”, explained Aharoni. “But if we’re to fight fire with fire, we’ll need more land. Somewhere about the size of Palestine should do it.” </p>