http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 16:05:33 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163241 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 18:07:29 +0000 Perks 163241@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This one hasn't gone elsewhere. Feel free to use either version :) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163166 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 10:45:02 +0000 dvo4fun 163166@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Missed this yesterday. Fine work</p> <p>A query: </p> <p>‘Homeownership will also get a lot easier if we are re-elected’ he continued. ‘I have agreed to revert back to a system of lending that means anyone who can lie about their income can get a mortgage. Back to the good old days.’ </p> <p>Getting a bit confused over the various switching involved in all this but is there one too many/too few reversals missing somewhere? Isn't that system of lending exactly how they left it? Maybe I should go and get the first Big Coffee of the day. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163146 Sat, 16 Feb 2013 05:50:44 +0000 Perks 163146@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>OK, I have expanded.</p> <p> Following the broad agreement with his decision to reinstate the ten-pence tax rate, Ed Miliband has seized on the opportunity to make it Labour policy to undo some of the unpopular choices he agreed with when they were in power. 'The first thing I will do as Prime Minister will be to un-invade Iraq' he told us.</p> <p>'That really did us no good at all so I will send troops in with some bricks, nails and gaffer tape and see if we can undo the invasion. We have already lined up one of Saddam's many lookalikes to run the country. It will be as good as new at best, or at worst as good as slough.'</p> <p> ‘Homeownership will also get a lot easier if we are re-elected’ he continued. ‘I have agreed to revert back to a system of lending that means anyone who can lie about their income can get a mortgage. Back to the good old days.’</p> <p>In a reaction similar to putting David Cameron’s image into photoshop, this reversal of policies has raised a few eyebrows. Labour’s spin doctors are now hard at work trying to find away to sell ‘One Notion Labour’ to the public. They have even asked a former Leader if he would be interested in giving it another go.</p> <p> Giving a lecture at a multi-national oil company’s conference in Dubai, ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair said ‘I know people have said he should go further and put me back in charge but I no longer feel able to speak for the Labour party, not for less than £10k a word.’</p> <p>Ed Miliband meanwhile did have to deny that undoing some of the policies and broken promises will turn the Labour party blue. 'I know that un-deregulating the financial sector and actually having a referendum on Europe may sound more like Tory pledges than Labour, but the biggest difference is the gold' he grinned. 'We sold half the country's gold at rock bottom prices. I will buy it all back and with the prices at a record high, it will be worth so much more than when we let it go. I am a genius' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163073 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 20:39:14 +0000 waylandsmithy 163073@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Buying back all the gold now is definitely the right thing to do, it's more about righting a wrong, than facing up to the simple economic facts of the situation.</p> <p>Maybe he too could bring permanent peace to Northern Ireland just like Blair did? It seems to be wearing out a bit.</p> <p>Perhaps he could give all the pension funds their money back as well? And give his personal fortune to charity, so he doesn't look like such a hypocritical twat when he has a go at the Tories for being 'privileged'? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163072 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 20:30:31 +0000 deskpilot3 163072@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And Millennium Dome turns surprise profit... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163058 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 18:30:57 +0000 Squudge 163058@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perhaps you could stick in a para re the 'sexing down' of the dodgy dossier re Weapons of Mass Destruction. Indeed get Jeremy Hunt (as the NHS can really prove its worth on this) to 'un-suicide' Dr David Kelly.</p> <p>...oh and get D-ream to remake that awful song with an admission that:<br /> ♪♫ "ooaah thinnnnggs, can only get worrrrrsssaa" ♪♫♪<br /> &lt;weird honky intrumental noises fade while politicians head-bob awkwardly&gt; </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163041 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:04:45 +0000 button 163041@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really good, definitely make a great FP if extended. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163023 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:48:18 +0000 Gerontius 163023@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's bound to get a bit tasty so it should become known as the Beastleigh by-election.<br /> Any chance he could make it OK to put cats in wheelie bins.<br /> They're a fucking menace.<br /> Killed all the lovely little birds in my garden.<br /> And buried shit in the rockery.<br /> Why?<br /> It's not like they're going to come back for it later.</p> <p>And what were the chances of Gordon Brown coming across the only bigot in Rochdale - that was definitely unlucky. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163017 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 15:38:16 +0000 Perks 163017@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers. I wanted to go for calls for him to go further and bring back Tony 'permatan' Blair with Brown having one eye on the job.</p> <p> But I felt it detracted from the policy issue and turned it into a personal milibashing. I'm all for Milibashing but I think it would detract from the original idea. That said, if anyone can think of a way to add to it then the powers that be have the choice of Nib, FP, or to put it with my 'Are you some sort of comedian' Eastleigh by-election sub on the 'maybe' pile </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163008 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:58:39 +0000 rickwestwell 163008@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good. Would be even better with a killer ending, and should be an FP, not a NIB. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163005 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:52:42 +0000 Lens Cap 163005@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry Charlie, I'm not allowed to voice an opinion as <em> I've </em> never written anything funny </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163002 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:43:00 +0000 charlies_hat 163002@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. Lens - what do you think ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-163000 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:37:55 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 163000@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant. Properly satirical and also funny. Find another paragraph to add to it and this surely has to make FP despite the site’s political leanings. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56416#post-162981 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 13:33:57 +0000 Perks 162981@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following the broad agreement with his decision to reinstate the ten-pence tax rate, Ed Miliband has seized on the opportunity to make it Labour policy to undo some of the unpopular choices he agreed with when they were in power. 'The first thing I will do as Prime Minister will be to un-invade Iraq' he told us.</p> <p> 'That really did us no good at all so I will send troops in with some bricks, nails and gaffer tape and see if we can undo the invasion. We have already lined up one of Saddam's many lookalikes to run the country. It will be as good as new at best, or as good as slough at worse.'</p> <p> He did have to deny that undoing some of the policies and broken promises will turn the Labour party blue. 'I know that un-deregulating the banks and actually having a referendum on Europe may sound more like Tory pledges than Labour, but the biggest difference is the gold' he grinned. 'We sold half the country's gold at rock bottom prices. I will buy it all back and with the prices at a record high, it will be worth so much more when we get it back than when we let it go. I am a genius' </p>