http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56407 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 03:27:25 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56407#post-163092 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 22:24:42 +0000 Yikes 163092@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really like the idea but maybe just focus on the teachers and go for NiB length ... the first two paras and a beefed up last para could be an idea? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56407#post-162955 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 12:05:48 +0000 AReader 162955@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this. Unlike the Pistorius stories, this one's got legs. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56407#post-162940 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:35:46 +0000 lane-avenger 162940@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>.....was that the same Hugo Fink who became a multi-miliionaire through a series of highly succesful bets in the early 1900s, but was lost with the Titanic in 1911, despite repeatedly telling Captain Smith to 'look out for the bloody icebergs' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56407#post-162938 Fri, 15 Feb 2013 11:23:34 +0000 Newsquelch 162938@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>News of a 24 month hiatus stimulates surge in School Teachers applying for work at the Large Hadron Collider</p> <p>Mrs Bensham (37) from Guildford, is one of a number of geography teachers who have turned up in person in Switzerland to see whether they could find work at the facility. “I know that geography might be considered less useful than some of the other subjects, such as Science or CDT, but since the other teachers have been unable to even locate the facility, my hopes remain reasonably high”</p> <p>The facility has stated that it will be shutting down for two years in order to undertake some heavy polishing and to locate a tennis ball which was thrown in during the course of the last Christmas party. The gap is also important for the CERN engineers, as they feel this is a time to improve on several of the LHC’s earlier imperfections.</p> <p>“Most people think it’s circular,” one scientist told us, “and indeed it was meant to be but that just wasn’t the case. We were building it on a very tight schedule and couldn’t find a compass with a decent point for drawing up the designs, so Gary just plonked a coke bottle on the desk and drew a circle around that. And the machine worked, but in hindsight it might have caused one or two inaccuracies with the results.”</p> <p>The Engineers are also attempting to resolved some other issues during this scheduled maintenance</p> <p>• An unexplained smell of Marmite in the Control Room<br /> • The disappearance of chief scientist Hugo Fink in 2006 and subsequent articles discovered written by him in the 1899 London Gazette<br /> • Why the TV in the canteen only receives Dave and not Dave +1<br /> • Removing several pornographic etchings of midgets in the Ladies toilets<br /> • Removing a layer of pigeon faeces from Hugo Fink's Toyota Corolla in the CERN car park</p> <p> Teacher Bensham (48) is hopeful to join the team before the big shut down. “Just because it’s shut down for two years, doesn’t mean there isn’t anything to do. It’s not like <em>holiday</em>. There will be plenty of marking of the scientists course-work to do, I’m sure.” </p>