http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 14:50:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931#post-161701 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 14:12:58 +0000 dvo4fun 161701@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd drop the 'going forward' as well but biting and funny </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931#post-161694 Fri, 08 Feb 2013 13:49:57 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 161694@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Going forward" bit feels a bit tagged on and unnecessary, but the rest is very, very good. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931#post-161571 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 19:41:39 +0000 Yikes 161571@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top stuff! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931#post-161566 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 19:05:21 +0000 Ian 161566@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>NHS spokescunt is worthy of stars on its own </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931#post-161562 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 18:36:52 +0000 Titus 161562@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>See also <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55893" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55893</a></p> <p>But this one is better and cleverer. Love the phrase "... vigilant carers moved his flower vase just out of reach" - Ouch! As sharp and biting as good satire ought to be. I saw my aunt being tortured to death in hospital in exactly that way. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931#post-161546 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:50:25 +0000 Dick Everyman 161546@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Strewth - I first read that as 'Needle Deaths' target</p> <p>Nice sub! Stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931#post-161534 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:12:34 +0000 Gerontius 161534@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it Dan<br /> All bases covered there - good work. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55931#post-161495 Thu, 07 Feb 2013 12:44:30 +0000 daneade 161495@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top-level job-jockey NHS bureaucrats were congratulating themselves today on meeting their key performance target of over 3000 needless deaths.</p> <p>The key milestone was reached on Tuesday after pensioner Stan Mills died of thirst three days after vigilant carers moved his flower vase just out of reach. Mr Mills had previously selfishly tried to stay alive while occupying a bed desperately needed for other patients clamouring to die of severe neglect.</p> <p>‘We’re trying to change the public’s perception of hospital’s being places that provide compassionate care and effective treatment.’ said an NHS spokescunt. ‘We want people to be assured that scrimping every possible penny for patient care while paying ourselves pig- trough salaries is most certainly our first priority.’</p> <p>‘Giving a shit about vulnerable people in need is, of course, our last.’</p> <p>The NHS is now trialling a range of innovative ‘neglect’ measures designed to save even more money so the real beating heart of any effective hospital system – bureaucrats and middle-managers – can have real hope of a substantial increase in bonus.</p> <p>Hospital-bound ambulance crews will be told to park up for a few hours to remove the immediate need of patients for expensive emergency room treatment. </p> <p>‘We’ve discovered that if ambulances take ages to get patients back to A &amp; E the demand for trauma surgery and the like falls significantly, thus making, sorry saving us a packet.’</p> <p>And hospital meals were surprisingly found to be actually prolonging the lives of patients rather than helping to kill them as previously thought, so these will be phased out altogether.</p> <p>‘We feel that patients not eating at all should deliver us much increased positive negative outcomes,’ said the NHS spokescunt, before brilliantly adding the completely unnecessary bureaucratic buzzphrase ‘going forward,’ to the sentence, lending yet more credence to his official title. </p>