http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55405 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 00:26:19 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55405#post-160067 Mon, 28 Jan 2013 15:48:34 +0000 quango 160067@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's been a real busy month for me, I've just been in Algeria in a business trip and can't wait to just kick back amongst my 7 wives and just crack open a cold one. But no, because for the past 28 days I vowed to give up alcohol in aid of Cancer Research UK. </p> <p>At first I thought it would be a great idea: being a fanatical Muslim, and with their being a huge scarcity of watering holes in the Sahara, I've never touched a drop of alcohol in my life - so surely giving up drinking would be a piece of cake! Thinking such a holy cause would make me a martyr, I went to the hideout to tell my brothers in arms about my cause, hoping to get a couple of new recruits... But sadly it was the usual thing of them telling me I was being too preachy. None of them signed up, but on the other hand, I did have agreement that I would behead any that did drink anyway. </p> <p>The first few days were easy, it was just like before. I had a lot to prepare for as I'm sure you know, and I thought to myself, "this be a piece of falafel". However, as the work stresses built up - personnel problems are always difficult, particularly as they stop working four times a day. And then there's the fag breaks - I found myself really missing the bottle. </p> <p>It's funny how the minute I give up something I've never had I really start to miss it. It doesn't help that I basically look like an alcoholic, with a beard and sun beaten face. I became grumpy and snappy, I haven't been able to shoot my AK47 well because I've got the sheikhs. Everyone in the desert has started calling me the 'mardi jihadi'. </p> <p>So now I've never been looking forward to February so badly. I think I need some time off, take a break from the French special forces constantly giving me grief. Work can be a real killer sometimes - just look at what happened to one of my colleagues Osama. Maybe I'll go on a North African booze cruise: beers in Algiers, a cravas in Rabat, Campari in Mali, that'd be the life.... </p>