http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 03:00:18 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159804 Sat, 26 Jan 2013 00:31:31 +0000 Sir Lupus 159804@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm in Inverness. I'll pop over to Elgin right now and ask what's up with your whisky BJ. Mind you, I suspect that right now they may be drinking it.</p> <p>And Inverness to London takes a bit over an hour <em>in an airplane</em>. In a car, four hours to Northern England is going some. So I doubt that taxi driver's story. Altho the A9 does have its share of drivers who seem to be trying to do that. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159789 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 19:45:39 +0000 The All New Jeni B 159789@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Difference is, from Edinburgh south, there are mainly motorways or good A roads to travel. From here to Elgin, it's a mixture of motorway and twisty, narrow B roads which slows most sensible people down. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159785 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 19:26:20 +0000 beau-jolly 159785@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oops just did editing. Lucky I left that last bit! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159783 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 19:25:01 +0000 The All New Jeni B 159783@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yeah, he is what we call a 'havering shite'.</p> <p>Even at a constant of 130mph he'd have to have fuel stops. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159782 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 19:14:42 +0000 beau-jolly 159782@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks Jeni. <a href="http://www.google.co.uk/#hl=en&amp;sugexp=les%3B&amp;gs_rn=1&amp;gs_ri=hp&amp;cp=40&amp;gs_id=3f&amp;xhr=t&amp;q=how+far+is+elgin+from+Shaftesburt+Dorset&amp;es_nrs=true&amp;pf=p&amp;tbo=d&amp;biw=1106&amp;bih=640&amp;sclient=psy-ab&amp;oq=how+far+is+elgin+from+Shaftesburt+Dorset&amp;gs_l=&amp;pbx=1&amp;bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.&amp;bvm=bv.41524429,d.d2k&amp;fp=96913eb1426fa074">All relative</a> I chased them up last year and they explained that the 6 ft of snow was slowing them down a bit. Just wondered what the excuse was this time.<br /> BTW, I once spoke to a taxi driver in Inverness who reconed he'd done Inverness to London in 4 hours by driving at 130mph in the dead of night. I know there's a decent road now but that sounds like bollox to me! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159760 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 14:28:21 +0000 The All New Jeni B 159760@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Beau, only in as much as I'm in the same country. Look up Google Earth, type in 'Broughty Ferry' and ask for directions from there to Elgin.</p> <p>Perks, I love the snow. Seriously. I have an unstoppable, ancient, 4x4 and a sledge bought for Christmas before last that's never been used, a child leaving school early and a pair of sallopettes to christen.</p> <p>What's not to like?</p> <p>Just to save you the hassle Beau - <a href="https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=How+far+is+Dundee+from+Elgin&amp;ie=utf-8&amp;oe=utf-8&amp;aq=t&amp;rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&amp;client=firefox-a">Answer: Not very.</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159753 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 13:03:17 +0000 beau-jolly 159753@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jeni, are you anywhere near Elgin? If so could you ask them where my f**ing Whisky is?<br /> Perks, I discovered beer Slush Puppies whilst trying to drink a pint during a snowball fight. Is that any use? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159733 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:41:22 +0000 button 159733@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Its snow joke. Ha Ha Ha Ha.</p> <p>Very good Perks, 5 snowballs. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159727 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:31:41 +0000 Perks 159727@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I give it 30 minutes until 'Woohoo! We've got snow' turns into 'This fucking snow, when will it go.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159726 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 10:28:55 +0000 The All New Jeni B 159726@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Woohoo! We've got snow, so I'm going to give you stars all over again. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159724 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:45:03 +0000 dvo4fun 159724@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>another cracker </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159685 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:18:07 +0000 The All New Jeni B 159685@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Or bitterly jealous.</p> <p>Whichever. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159684 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:17:31 +0000 The All New Jeni B 159684@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh everywhere else in Scotland has had feet of the bloody stuff, it's just my little isolated pocket of the east coast that's bereft.</p> <p>Not that I'm jealously bitter you understand. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159682 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:14:11 +0000 Perks 159682@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Have you not had much snow? I though i just hadnt heard about it because bad weather is not news north of Salford </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159681 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:10:15 +0000 The All New Jeni B 159681@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant ideas in here Perks.</p> <p>Sadly, our brief snowfall yesterday lasted less time than it took me to find my camera and try to take a photo, so I can't help the Africans. Sorry. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55262#post-159680 Fri, 25 Jan 2013 00:06:09 +0000 Perks 159680@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following recent government advice that building a snowman is now an official way to prevent flooding, we have decided to bring you this coalition's guide to other uses for the snow during this cold spell.</p> <p>-Pack it into your hosepipe</p> <p> Having just come out of the wettest year since records began, the whole country being on flood alert since December, and ground water levels still dangerously high, there is bound to be a hosepipe ban from March onwards. Storing the snow safely in a hosepipe or watering can means come that time, you can sprinkle the snow over your lawn whilst your neighbors look on with envy.</p> <p>-Help a Hobo.</p> <p> In the spirit of helping those less fortunate with yourself, we the coalition think all this seasonally cold weather is a great opportunity for communities to build affordable housing for the homeless, in the form of igloos. We have seen how Inuits can live in the icy housing all year round, so having all this snow just lying there is practically like having bricks and mortar littering the place. The perfect thing about this idea is ice is suprisingly insulating in the cold weather, and will help them keep cool in the summer.</p> <p>-Send some to Africa</p> <p> A wise man once asked of the Africans 'do they know it's Christmas?'. So we set up 2 inquiries, a public consultation process and a select committee and the results were clear; Africans do not know it is Christmas because they have no snow. So we have made it coalition policy to recommend everyone send a jiffy bag of snow to Ethiopia.Then in December they can throw it out of a helicopter so just like us they can overindulge, wasting tons of food over Christmas. Perfect</p> <p>-Take it to Bali</p> <p> We have seen British nationals getting into hot water in Bali recently trying to smuggle cocaine across their borders. As a government our first priority is to protect our citizens, so with that in mind the foreign office is issuing this piece of snow based travel advice. If you are planning to become a coke mule then for your own protection take a suitcase of snow with you to hide your stash. The beautiful thing about snow is it's white powdery texture perfect for hiding illegal class As. Oh, and don't forget your sunscreen, it can get warm over there.</p> <p>-Create your own Army</p> <p> Back to building snowmen, we have recently announced 1000's of job cuts to our armed forces and now 'your country needs you'. We are asking every household to build a mini army of snowmen. These snowy soldiers will then act like a scarecrow in a field scaring the birds away, birds that just happen to be international terrorists and fields that look a lot like London. If you have any spare snow, why not also make some ammunition. Snowballs are a great weapon so when the terrorists attack, you can throw your snowball and 'take them out of the game'. </p>