http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55231 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 01:24:37 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55231#post-159655 Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:55:39 +0000 custard cream 159655@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cracker! excellent, should be on the front page! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55231#post-159577 Thu, 24 Jan 2013 10:23:37 +0000 Tripod 159577@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>“We are gathered here tonight”, said Terrence Toad, adjusting his cummerbund around a full waistline, “to salute the sterling work of the natterjack, the most elusive member of the toad family. Whenever the English countryside is under threat, the presence - real or imagined - of a natterjack toad is enough to bring the bulldozers to a shuddering halt. For a while.</p> <p>“The threats to the landscape are many. Plans for a new road through a much-loved valley. Ancient woodland to be cut down to make way for an out-of-town supermarket. A wetland of national importance to be drained, just so people can have another car-park. And when the environmentalists and tree-huggers are looking for a species to spearhead their protests, where do they turn? Kev Livingstone’s pals, the newts? Sometimes. The stag beetle? When they’ve got nothing better to do. But when you want a creature to throw a spanner in the works, big-time, there’s only one choice. You’re right: the natterjack.</p> <p>“A single natterjack toad can silence the chainsaws for weeks, while politicians hold meetings in draughty village halls, and pretend to listen to the concerns of local people. We all know that the original plans will go ahead, eventually, but the natterjack toad richly deserves this Lifetime Achievement Award, for being such an effective diversionary tactic. We’re only sorry that no-one from the natterjack toad community could be here tonight, to accept it. Frankly, we’re not even sure if natterjack toads really exist. Has anyone ever <em>seen</em> one?” Mr Toad concluded his speech by flicking out his long, sticky tongue to catch a passing fly... </p>