http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 00:52:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157648 Mon, 14 Jan 2013 03:53:00 +0000 Audible Minority 157648@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>My great-grandma ordered a replacement element for the heater in her bedroom in 1953. It arrived yesterday but the man couldn't get in to fit it because her front door jammed on all the gas bills that had been piling up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157224 Thu, 10 Jan 2013 20:56:58 +0000 button 157224@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I encountered a courier in my street last week whilst with 2 of my young buttons.<br /> White Van Man WVM "Do you know where no 39 are?<br /> Button (B) "No. At work maybe?"<br /> WVM "Well thats no fucking good. Can you sign for it?"<br /> B "Yes"<br /> WVM "Have you got a pen?"<br /> B "No"<br /> WVM "Well you're no fucking good"</p> <p>It was at this point I ushered the buttons into the car before urging the twat to watch his language and retracting my offer of signing for his parcel. I expect he shoved it in a hedge in the next street.</p> <p>5 stars by the way. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157223 Thu, 10 Jan 2013 20:33:24 +0000 The All New Jeni B 157223@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Five stars, purely on the basis of personal experience.</p> <p>And don't get me started on Royal Mail's incredible ability to lose parcels. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157209 Thu, 10 Jan 2013 18:00:59 +0000 pinxit 157209@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Extra starrage for having no bum sex as the punchline.</p> <p><a href="https://twitter.com/ThePoke/status/289412008011517953/photo/1/large">This is relevant.</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157125 Thu, 10 Jan 2013 11:28:52 +0000 beau-jolly 157125@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Haven't exprienced them personally but I have seen a few liveried vans in town which look nice and clean and driven by polite, uniformed young men. Maybe its an urban thing.<br /> Nevertheless, most amusing so starrage ...eventually. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157123 Thu, 10 Jan 2013 11:24:09 +0000 writinginbsl 157123@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>yep</p> <p>stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157117 Thu, 10 Jan 2013 11:09:02 +0000 charlies_hat 157117@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I love that they boast "...handled 14m parcels.." rather than "delivered". </p> <p>The bubbling undercurrent of personal experience elevates this one ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157116 Thu, 10 Jan 2013 11:00:32 +0000 DustyBinLaden 157116@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Didn't just want to rant, but looked at the bollocks on their website about proud boasts of Christmas achievements, and this company that has 'a new way of thinking', and thought 'right, you pricks'. Never met anyone with a good word to say about them. Gets it off me chest, dunnit? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157036 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 20:00:02 +0000 dvo4fun 157036@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think it's been tilted at before in some form (then again, what hasn't) but it's a full 5 from me DBL </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157032 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 19:01:44 +0000 Squudge 157032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>seconded (and I've had a similar experience to DickE too - only mine was a cross-looking hefty lady with a scrunchie-facelift. I thought she was coming round to mistakenly 'sort' me for dobbing her eldest for shoplifting). </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157028 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 18:44:11 +0000 Dick Everyman 157028@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very nice DBL - restrained with just a hint of menace. My Christmas Amazon parcel turned up last week delivered by a rough looking geezer in a rusty transit van - I thought he'd come to burgle me but turns out he was somehow 'franchised' to Yodel. He scared the fuck out of my elderly neighbours when he asked them where I lived... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157026 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 17:41:27 +0000 DustyBinLaden 157026@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks VCG. Tweaked to be less Narnia-like. Ties in with the bodily discomfort of the later para too. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157024 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 17:31:37 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 157024@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely.</p> <p>Not sure about the Narnia bit though, doesn't feel like it really fits. How about she sneezed twice and then noticed a card had appeared in the brief time she had her eyes closed mid-sneeze?</p> <p>Or something like that, but you know, better. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54398#post-157018 Wed, 09 Jan 2013 16:35:54 +0000 DustyBinLaden 157018@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Utterly useless courier business Yodel is to offer customers who missed their first delivery the choice of spring, summer, autumn or winter for Yodel to attempt the delivery again.</p> <p>‘It’s about restructuring performance to more accurately reflect the low expectations of customers who never chose us in the first place,’ commented Yodel’s head of tardiness, Brett Holland. </p> <p>Mr Holland is responsible for improving perceptions of the Yodel brand from ‘I have seriously fucking had it with those Yodel cunts’ to ‘What about if I drive to where you keep your vans? Would that help?’</p> <p>Frequent online shopper Daphne Todd cautiously welcomed the new redelivery option. ‘Several months back I waited in all day for a Yodel delivery from Amazon. I tried to keep my eyes forced open with matches, so as not to miss them, but when the discomfort became too much I had to blink. On reopening my eyes there was a green and white ‘you were out’ card sticking out of my letterbox, with some indecipherable handwriting on it that looked like it had been written by someone without any hands.</p> <p>‘I’m yet to arrange a successful redelivery, despite spending all of November and December living in a tent on my doorstep, taking amphetamines to stay awake and soiling myself in order to avoid visiting the toilet. If Yodel can absolutely guarantee delivery this spring, I’m prepared to remain housebound between March and May if that’s what it takes to finally get the Christmas presents I ordered for the grandchildren.’</p> <p>‘Just to clarify,’ corrected Mr Holland, ‘it will be either spring or summer. We can’t commit to a particular season.’ </p>