http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54344 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 02:50:55 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54344#post-156876 Tue, 08 Jan 2013 18:27:12 +0000 Tripod 156876@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jim Kelly, a spokesman for the National Association of Psychics, Soothsayers, Fortune Tellers and Ancillary Workers in the Bogus Prophesy Businesses, told cheering crowds yesterday that the end of the world was “back on track”. </p> <p>“We let a lot of people down when our prediction, based on the Mayan calendar, that the End of Days was due towards the end of December, proved inaccurate. We’ve taken a long hard look at the figures, recalibrating the Mayan’s prognoses to take account of leap years, the January sales and the possibility of a wormhole in the space/time continuum. And, guess what, the End of the World was never going to happen last year”. </p> <p>“D’oh!” said Mr Kelly, slapping himself on the forehead...</p> <p>“Apocalyptic prediction isn’t an exact science. There’s no future in doom-mongering: no career structure, no incremental pay increases... and definitely no pension scheme. But we’re pretty sure we’ve got our sums right this time. The revised date for Armageddon is now April 5, 2013. Let the good times roll! If the world doesn't end this spring, I'll eat my lunch”... </p>