http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 01:26:54 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217#post-156684 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:07:37 +0000 nickb 156684@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>posh here, innit </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217#post-156647 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:38:58 +0000 Oxbridge 156647@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Inter urinam et faeces nascimur. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217#post-156588 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 23:07:36 +0000 Squudge 156588@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>geniarse </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217#post-156584 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:35:04 +0000 nickb 156584@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So things which must not be exprest,<br /> When plumpt into the reeking chest,<br /> Send up an excremental smell<br /> To taint the parts from whence they fell,<br /> The petticoats and gown perfume,<br /> Which waft a stink round every room.<br /> Thus finishing his grand survey,<br /> Disgusted Strephon stole away<br /> Repeating in his amorous fits,<br /> Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia shits!</p> <p>Swift innit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217#post-156583 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:39:58 +0000 Tripod 156583@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Dawson's Creek should contribute an alternate ending for this, surely. </blockquote></p> <p>I'll re-write it. Now, remind me, was the bum sex greasy or queasy? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217#post-156554 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 16:12:48 +0000 Idiot 156554@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dawson's Creek should contribute an alternate ending for this, surely. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217#post-156553 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 15:51:45 +0000 MADJEZ 156553@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Crack-ed me up ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54217#post-156544 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 15:03:29 +0000 Tripod 156544@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>“It was only ever meant to be a joke”, said God, making a face. “A prototype, a preliminary sketch, just something I scribbled on the back of a beermat. Somehow - and I still don’t know how it happened - it got through quality control and into production. </p> <p>“We were faced with a number of logistical issues about where to site the waste-pipe and the fun-tunnel. These were the names we used on the first blueprints, assuming we’d come up with something more appropriate later. Wouldn’t it be funny, I thought, if we put them so close together that a man who’d had a few drinks might get them confused? Think of the potential for embarrassment, when he’s doing a fingertip search of a woman’s erogenous zones, to find anus and vagina separated by nothing more than the span of fumbling fingers and thumbs! Everyone around the table had a good laugh about that, though, looking back, they laughed at my jokes whether they were funny or not. I really was the head honcho in those days.</p> <p>“To be honest, women were an afterthought. I’d put all my efforts into creating Adam, and the penis represented the leading edge of body-part design. The hydraulics are really quite advanced, you know. I wanted to make a good job of it, thinking he’d be spending a lot of time on his own. So when Adam told me that he was lonely, and that gardening wasn’t as much fun as he’d imagined, it came as quite a shock. It made sense, though, for him to have a mate, so I got straight to work. </p> <p>“Making Eve out of one of Adam’s ribs was a brainwave, though I say so myself. Instead of starting from scratch, I could just modify the original design. The full lips, the hair, the hips: I was on a roll! Taking Adam’s needs into account, I envisaged the breasts as a tasty appetiser before the main course. And, taking my design inspiration from a dead heat in a Zeppelin race, I think I did a pretty good job there.” </p> <p>God shook his head. “I tried my best”, He said, “but sometimes it seems like men are from one planet and women from another. I made sure they spoke the same language, but, well...” God’s words trailed off, as He appeared to be lost in thought. </p> <p>God leaned back in His chair, finally, and smiled. “Vagina? Anus? You know, it still makes me laugh”... </p>