http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 22 May 2013 18:27:36 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156368 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 22:01:58 +0000 Tess Goes 156368@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well I enjoyed it, although I did spill my cocoa xxx </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156366 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 21:51:18 +0000 Midfield Diamond 156366@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks to all for the comments, agree totally about the last para which I admit I struggled with. I've edited it and gone with wayland's idea which I think is much better than my original. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156355 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 20:58:21 +0000 Paddy Berzinski 156355@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very enjoyable read. Last paragraph could be more biting, as has been said. Maybe proceedings halted by Safety Officer whilst wheelchair bound girl dies in tragic lift fire. As managers struggled to decide whose job description covers conveying disabled individual to safety in the event of emergency.</p> <p>Stars as it stands. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156342 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 20:09:52 +0000 Tripod 156342@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some good lines. Stars... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156341 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 20:08:04 +0000 beau-jolly 156341@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top job MD. I can only shovel praise on this (as it is the closest I am likely to get to the frontage.) Particularly enjoyed the 3 big lies.<br /> As you know there really are old H&amp;S things doing the rounds as video nasties </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156312 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 17:29:27 +0000 pinxit 156312@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You'd need 3D safety goggles (plus swank brief and Max Clifford) to see that.</p> <p>How about the fork-lift fillum being titled 'Emergency! Get the fork out of here'.</p> <p>'Paperclips From Hell', 'Think Before You Drink Before You Staple!' etc, etc...</p> <p>Stars. <em>(May be pointy with sharp ends)</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156307 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 17:16:44 +0000 waylandsmithy 156307@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ace. Not sure about the last paragraph, though: it doesn't quite fit.</p> <p>Maybe it could finish up with an admission that not all the warning films are bad, and that a really graphic warning video about the dangers of being caught watching pornographic videos at work has proved remarkably popular? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156302 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:38:41 +0000 button 156302@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 stars for You've Been Maimed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54139#post-156297 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:31:14 +0000 Midfield Diamond 156297@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A man who suffered a mental breakdown at work has blamed the condition on his employer’s Health and Safety programme. In particular, Mr Ian Murrell argued that he had become paranoid about workplace injury as a result of the amount of gratuitous mutilation and bloodshed in the series of industrial accident training films entitled ‘You’ve Been Maimed’.</p> <p>An employment tribunal heard that Murrell had been off work with severe stress and anxiety since being made to watch ‘Don’t Risk Losing a Limb - Use Your Head’ and ‘Amputation, Amputation, Amputation’ six months ago. “I still have sleepless nights over the horrifically graphic scene of someone’s head being crushed by an industrial press like it was a watermelon filled with minestrone soup,” explained Murrell. “I became too scared to go to work, even though I admit we’ve never been asked to operate heavy machinery in the Corporate Audits department.”</p> <p>Murrell’s employer, Surrey accountancy firm Dodge &amp; Ledger, defended their Health and Safety programme, expressing the view that the training videos delivered clear safe working practice messages. However, it was acknowledged that the video on fork-lift truck accidents ‘Fork Safety Advice’ had limited applicability to the company’s day-to-day activities.</p> <p>As a result of the tribunal, Dodge and Ledger have agreed to carry out a full Health and Safety Assessment of all current and future Health and Safety activities, and have introduced a stress counselling service to discourage people like Mr Murrell from going to tribunal in future. “Our people are our greatest asset,” lied a Dodge and Ledger spokesman. “We really do love everyone who works here,” he continued, and to complete the set of three great lies, added, “and our Health and Safety programme is not just a means of protecting the Company against employee litigation.”</p> <p>The Company was also keen to point out that not everyone was as badly affected as Mr Murrell by the explicit nature of their training videos. In fact, Dodge and Ledger explained that many of their staff had volunteered to attend multiple screenings of a film warning of the hazards associated with watching porn during working hours. </p> <p><em>hat-tips to beau-jolly and waylandsmithy</em> </p>