http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 06:42:36 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154587 Thu, 20 Dec 2012 10:59:17 +0000 Bourbon 154587@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry, hate to break it to you all. You're all wrong. JohnA said so </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154554 Thu, 20 Dec 2012 07:40:50 +0000 kga6 154554@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154519 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 22:37:30 +0000 Username 154519@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice story! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154465 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 16:20:45 +0000 Cinders 154465@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>[u]Small point - para 3 accept not except. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154459 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 15:57:32 +0000 Perks 154459@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I did. I played with a 'right to bear arms, as long as your t-shirt is not too tight' but saved the far right anti gay rhetoric for the punchline </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154457 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 15:49:08 +0000 seymour totti 154457@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely stuff Perks! I see you carefully side-stepped the "right to arm bears" gag. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154452 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 15:30:30 +0000 Oxbridge 154452@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well of course gun purchases have gone up since Newtown. People need to defend themselves. It's dangerous out there, what with all those maniacs with, er, guns ...</p> <p>V. good BTW. Though I'd take out the word 'liberal' - completely different connotations over thar. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154444 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 14:00:57 +0000 gregle 154444@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154436 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 13:39:38 +0000 Sinnick 154436@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Curiously, gun sales have gone <strong>up</strong> as a result of this horrific incident. Either NRA members really are arming their children, or they anticipate constraints on gun ownership. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154427 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 12:55:51 +0000 Perks 154427@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers. Weirdly as the NRA in Newtown have come out and said they are devastated and will help come up with ways that will prevent this happening this again. Which makes this more topical than when I wrote it! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154422 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 12:39:13 +0000 button 154422@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154324 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 23:01:02 +0000 Sinnick 154324@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Flawless. Brought a tear to my eye. I can just imagine Palin raising her arm in salute. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154295 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 20:37:05 +0000 waylandsmithy 154295@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154260 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 17:58:10 +0000 Perks 154260@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you sir, and Amen </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154259 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 17:47:42 +0000 medici2471 154259@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>God Save America, five stars general ***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53442#post-154221 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:20:24 +0000 Perks 154221@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Here at the NRA we take our responsibility seriously. There has been much criticism laid at our door recently for defending the second amendment, which gives Americans the right to bear arms. Some have suggested we put forward ways to stop gun crime in the good ol' US of A so we bit the bullet and gave it our best shot.</p> <p>1) Guns are mainly used for hunting wild animals. Taking them away completely would take away our fun. What else could we do on The Lord's Day other than kill the very animals he put on earth for our entertainment. So we suggest that every baby deer, fox, large bird and, in some states, ethnic minority has a preloaded rifle attached to it. That way the gun isn't in someone's house waiting to be stolen, but jumping around the field on the creature it is intended to kill. Although we will still allow one gun per household or trailer to shoot the animal to get the gun to shoot the animal.</p> <p>2) Guns are also a very important tool in reducing the number of gang members in the wild. If gang members aren't allowed to shoot each other then their numbers will swell and they will roam the streets, breaking into your house and raping your family. However we do except there is a danger of innocent people being caught in the cross fire. So we propose every gang member has their gang 'tag' painted in luminous paint on their fronts, back and on top of their heads. This means they will only shoot each other and the public can walk around even the roughest districts with absolutely no fear, unless of course they are the victim of 'friendly fire'.</p> <p>3) People with mental health issues can be seen, by some, as a potential risk when armed. We disagree with this. Yes people with issues do commit horrendous crimes with guns, but they were also wearing shoes. Does that mean everyone wearing shoes is a danger? No. However, in a bid to ensure we keep our liberal gun laws as they are, we are willing to shoot anyone with a mental illness. To be on the safe side, this can range from psychotic behaviour and deep depression through to ADHD and dyslexia. That way no 'mental' can get hold of a gun. Simple</p> <p> 4) Finally we address the danger in schools, work places and other crowded areas. We agree it would be nonsensical to arm children and teachers for the purposes of self-defence, that is why we recommend a shotgun at every fire alarm point in public building. Training should be given with the bi-annual fire training so people are confident that in the event of an emergency they can put the shooter out. There are some important points to remember though. Bullet evacuations should be carried out regularly, only use the shotgun if you feel confident in doing so, and do not tackle a shooter that is bigger than a waste paper bin.</p> <p> We think you will agree that these proposals will help create a better America and will make you feel so warm inside, you too will develop our unmistakable red neck.</p> <p> One last thing. We realise our motto may seem a bit old Fashioned and insensitive, so we have consulted with our friends The Republican Party and agreed to change it to the following.</p> <p>The National Rifle Association: Guns don't kill people, God does because he doesn't like gays. </p>