http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 09:32:27 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154428 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 13:03:41 +0000 Gerontius 154428@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely job Perks....nailed it.<br /> Love the panda reference</p> <p>Maybe the bears were only spotted for 30 seconds when one came out of the cave to take a defecate in a bucket....dispelling one long held theory at a stroke. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154425 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 12:48:02 +0000 The All New Jeni B 154425@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliantly done Perks, and much better than any of the rubbish my imagination was able to come up with. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154349 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 03:06:36 +0000 Perks 154349@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ok, here's my take on it. May need a new headline though.feel free to use some/all/none of it</p> <p>Edinburgh zoo has come in for heavy criticism today after a visit from schoolchildren for the official naming of their latest resident bear ended in farce. The children only got to see the bear for a total of 30 seconds when he came out to steal one child's pack of 'wotsits' in a bid to cure his 'munchies'. The rest of the time he spent stoned in his den.</p> <p> The Bear, who was named Nathan by a competition winner, is thought to have had an all night smoking session with neighbouring Canadian Black bears. Despite the shock and upset this has caused, head vet at the zoo told us this type of thing is common place.</p> <p> "If you look at the problems in our prison service, you will see that keeping animals in captivity leads to drug abuse" she explained. "This can range from recreational drugs such as the pot that Nathan smoked, through to date-rape drugs. We caught the male Panda using Rohipnol. But unlike human use, he spiked his own drink so he didn't have to mate"</p> <p> The drug problem in zoos was first discovered in London Zoo where the Polar Bears' use of 'class As' caused confusion. "Initially we thought they had taken that final step in evolution and become the same colour all over" a senior biologist at the zoo told us. "Turns out his white nose was caused by a casual dusting of cocaine"</p> <p> The task that the Zookeepers face is finding where the supply of drugs is coming from. Initial investigations have shown that a complex networks of tunnels dug by meerkats may be being used to transport and hide the stash. However, as with all major drug cartels, the meerkats have their drugs den well protected with the strategic placement of 'spotters' making a surprise raid impossible.</p> <p> The zoo has apologised to the school and offered them the chance to revisit. "This time we cannot guarantee that the bear will not be as high as a kite, or any other bird in our aviary but we have put out some educational material to help explain why" a spokesman told us. "Next to the board explaining his name, age and species, we have included information on the 'sleepy state' of high bear Nathan " </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154348 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 02:36:01 +0000 Bourbon 154348@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't do drugs, but I do drink. A good night should always finish with soggy biscuit </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154339 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 00:15:13 +0000 medici2471 154339@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm trying, I really am ...)) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154335 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 23:29:58 +0000 The All New Jeni B 154335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Kicked a few ideas around in my head today regarding this.</p> <p>They were all shite.</p> <p>If anyone thinks they can do something with my cringe inducing Neat-O entry, please do. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154158 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 09:14:52 +0000 The All New Jeni B 154158@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yeah, I did but sat down to think about it, someone passed me something, and well, y'know man, I'm just, kinda....<br /> What was I saying?</p> <p>(And the headline is courtesy of Perks, so hat-tip to him) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154148 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 08:25:57 +0000 Perks 154148@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154139 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 07:42:54 +0000 Gerontius 154139@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Do bears smoke shit in the woods?<br /> I agree, there is plenty of room for an assualt on the FP<br /> Fab idea Jen<br /> Do you have the urge? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154088 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 00:50:42 +0000 Username 154088@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The 'special' bamboo never really goes out fashion does it....</p> <p>There's plenty of stuff to take this into a full FP if you've got the urge... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154082 Tue, 18 Dec 2012 00:08:02 +0000 The All New Jeni B 154082@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154079 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 23:55:28 +0000 dvo4fun 154079@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, that's dreadful! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53393#post-154063 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 22:41:39 +0000 The All New Jeni B 154063@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Visitors to a Wildlife Park hoping to see the park's newest resident, and discover the name chosen for him by local school children, were left disappointed after red-faced keepers admitted that the bear had had a smoking session with some of the resident Californian Black Bears and taken to his bed.</p> <p>A sign at the new bear's enclosure read simply:<br /> "Apologies for our high bear Nathan."</p> <p>NEAT-O </p>