http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 16:09:20 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153757 Sun, 16 Dec 2012 20:53:55 +0000 Idiot 153757@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good luck with it all Matthew, but beware the high-horsemen of the apocalypse. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153715 Sun, 16 Dec 2012 18:30:07 +0000 Gerontius 153715@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Matt...are you one of the Billericay Newmans....my partner was from Billericay and he was also a few sandwiches short of a picnic too.<br /> While I agree with your sentiment I do struggle with your delivery.<br /> Just like my partner </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153712 Sun, 16 Dec 2012 17:48:31 +0000 writinginbsl 153712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>hi matthew</p> <p>are you writing for you or your audience? You cant usually drag them with you-you need to engage with them-so if you want stuff published in the 'mainstream' of comedy, then the stuff has to be largely mainstream</p> <p>bear in mind however, that i am one of the least successful people on here, so i am probably talking bollocks anyway... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153694 Sun, 16 Dec 2012 15:44:36 +0000 beau-jolly 153694@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I bloody love a good rant, me. Sorry Matthew, but I have to agree with the bigger boys here. Not taboo for me just not enough good gags. Don't give up though. Imagine if you have fucked up on spelling and grammar. If you really want to face an angry mob try that! Good luck and welcome. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153657 Sun, 16 Dec 2012 01:25:54 +0000 Matthew Newman 153657@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Christ, lads, grow a pair. :P I'll try to make my next submission suck less! :D </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153656 Sun, 16 Dec 2012 00:21:43 +0000 malgor 153656@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, that just about wraps it up for your welcome party, Matthew Newman. It's one of several traditional welcome packs available. Don't worry. Stick around and, before long, you'll get your turn to tell another new man his first submission is shit. Meanwhile, have a good read through the <a href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/about/guidelines-for-contributors/"><strong>guidelines for contributors</strong></a> and read as much stuff off the front page as possible to get a feel for it... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153649 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 22:47:58 +0000 Username 153649@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry, this bizaare jangling of insults doesn't shape up as an interesting story. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153640 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 21:56:57 +0000 Perks 153640@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The subject matter is one for satire, an the PM is fair game, but equating DLA cuts to murdering your own son is sick. </p> <p> Personally I think satire has to have a core point to the humour. This is just an attack on someone because you don't like a policy. Calling someone a kiddy fiddler and saying they killed their own son is not really funny , no matter who it is. If it is funny then we can all start doing jokes about disabled people, racist jokes, calling who we like a peado just because we don't like them. Where do you draw the line? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153628 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 21:13:31 +0000 Idiot 153628@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't think it's funny but anything goes as far as I'm concerned. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153627 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 21:06:42 +0000 Yikes 153627@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In this thread <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41595#post-118935" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41595#post-118935</a></p> <p>Textbook noted 'I don't think there is any such thing as a subject which is too dark to joke about. However, that doesn't mean all jokes about any subject are funny.</p> <p>What did the deaf, dumb, paraplegic, Down's Syndrome boy with with terminal cancer get on Christmas Day? - Raped.'</p> <p>I think your sub missed out the cancer ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153626 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 20:56:27 +0000 malgor 153626@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>No, <a href="https://www.gov.uk/dla-disability-living-allowance-benefit/overview"><strong>this</strong></a> is about Disability Living Allowance. Your piece is a bowl of offensive vomit and should be removed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153620 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 20:33:41 +0000 Matthew Newman 153620@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, it's about what he's doing with disability living allowance recipients at the moment. For instance, a friend of mine who has spinabifida was recently denied DLA after having being signed off for life. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153617 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 20:31:11 +0000 waylandsmithy 153617@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Well, that's sort of true. Although suggesting the prime minister murdered his son because he was disabled might not strike some as 'funny'.</p> <p>You can get away with stuff that's close to the knuckle if it's funny or insightful. This fails on both counts, it just reads as if you've deliberately set out to offend. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153615 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 20:28:20 +0000 Matthew Newman 153615@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Over the line? What happened to no topic being too taboo? :P </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153610 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 20:20:35 +0000 waylandsmithy 153610@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Way over the line. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153609 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 20:17:25 +0000 Tess Goes 153609@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I wish the Chinese would get me a new shed with my next dewivvery... I'm fed up with Starfruit ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53306#post-153607 Sat, 15 Dec 2012 20:12:24 +0000 Matthew Newman 153607@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>T'was the night before Christmas and all through the Houses of Parliament, David Cameron, dressed in red and white in a vain attempt win over the general public once it comes to light that Atos are now drunk on power and brandy wine, greets mentally handicapped children -- dressed as Father Christmas, he has one on his lap at a time to tell them what they'd like for a gift now that the Yuletide season has been marred by a cut to the money they're provided with which to live. No surprise, three died while waiting 45 minutes in line, making this event more detrimental to public health and safety than staying a night in an NHS hospital.</p> <p>Although delighted to have the chance to meet with Santa before he made his way back to the North Pole to fornicate with Mrs. Claus, the kids seemed ill at easy. "Santa's got a chestnut in his pocket... only unlike a chestnut it's throbbing," commented one lad. Fortunately the BBC were there to look the other way and instead offer compensation in the form of sweeties for all and providing affidavits as a public service upon their receipt.</p> <p>"I've always had a soft spot for lame and retarded children," stated Cameron, "they've always had a close place to my heart ever since we euthanised my disabled son -- it was either that or take a reduction in hours at work, which would have precluded my shagging my secretary."</p> <p>All these brave young lad and ladies were presented with a card that contained a crisp new £20 note... only then to be seized by the DWP upon their exit from the building. It looks like it is going to be a very merry Christmas for the Chinese, however, as Atos are making enough of a balls up of their job here in Great Britain for the Chinese to start buying up British debt by the shed load. </p>