http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 06:16:06 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-159089 Mon, 21 Jan 2013 08:30:59 +0000 Titus 159089@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The story is clearly untrue and in fact utterly impossible - Sir Elton is well past the menopause.</p> <p>At this stage in his life he should be giving birth to grandchildren, like most men of his age. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153869 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 13:15:48 +0000 pinxit 153869@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Maybe the future lies not in satirical news, but in satirical gossip magazines?</blockquote></p> <p>@wayland... F'gawdssake no!</p> <p>That way lies madness. Just look at 'The Spoof'. <em><strong>(Don't)</strong></em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153863 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 12:44:45 +0000 Qoxiivi 153863@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>How dare you, it's qwockseeviuix. I thought that might have been your intention. Especially given the headline which is less (not) a joke and more just an unusual/daft statement about someone famous. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153862 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 12:40:11 +0000 waylandsmithy 153862@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm with Quixovi, but it was an interesting experiment; I was curious to see how insane a story could get and still have people believe it on Twitter. So far, quite a few people are buying it. </p> <p>Doesn't mean it's a good sub: just means there's a lot of people on Twitter with poor English, or who are incredibly gullible.</p> <p>Maybe the future lies not in satirical news, but in satirical gossip magazines? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153852 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 11:40:42 +0000 button 153852@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great FP Wayland!</p> <p>Nice tag as well. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153850 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 11:28:48 +0000 Dick Everyman 153850@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>genetically modified womb from an old bear</blockquote></p> <p>Great line, wish I'd thought of that! Nice one Wayland. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153845 Mon, 17 Dec 2012 10:17:18 +0000 Qoxiivi 153845@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Meh. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153720 Sun, 16 Dec 2012 18:40:17 +0000 Landfill 153720@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stars for you. Although I'd change the words 'little human' for 'small chap' to get a cheap gag. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153676 Sun, 16 Dec 2012 11:02:03 +0000 Tess Goes 153676@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hysterical...<br /> I'd love a second-hand grizzly bears lady-pocket for Christmas. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153256 Thu, 13 Dec 2012 20:24:42 +0000 antharrison 153256@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely....</p> <p>'And when we're done with the bear, I can slap its fur on my bald napper' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153255 Thu, 13 Dec 2012 20:22:32 +0000 DustyBinLaden 153255@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The stuff of nightmares. Cracking stuff. Large dilating stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53191#post-153242 Thu, 13 Dec 2012 19:26:57 +0000 waylandsmithy 153242@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Musical supremo Elton John has revealed that scientists have successfully made him pregnant, using the genetically modified womb from an old bear. Sir Elton, 65, has barely suffered any signs of morning sickness, although he did feel the urge to hibernate in late November.</p> <p>The pianist and his partner, David Furnish, already have one baby, born by a human surrogate somewhere in California. But the happy couple are expecting the second to be ‘even better than the old one’, thanks to the miracle of science and a grizzly's second-hand lady-pocket.</p> <p>“There’s no feeling like it, having a little human growing inside you”, explained Elton. “It’s fantastic that these days, age is no barrier to being a mum. And a Christmas baby? Well, that's the best gift I could have hoped for. Although I'd still like that steam train and a Dubai island shaped like my face."</p> <p>Furnish explained that differing gestation periods between the species ‘Homo sapiens’ and ‘Ursa Minor’ make it hard to calculate exactly when the baby is due, but a full medical team are on stand-by for Elton’s sell-out Christmas tour. “Obviously, it would be a dream come true for Elton to squeeze it out on stage during an encore”, admitted Furnish. “But failing that, I think we’d both quite like a water birth.”</p> <p>The singer has denied media claims that he is ‘too posh to push’, and is adamant that he won’t resort to a C-section. But doctors are keeping a sharp knife handy just in case he changes his mind, and have warned elderly men in a similar position they risk a hernia, or a full rectal prolapse.</p> <p>Mumsnet have criticised the star for being ‘too old’ to have a baby, but Sir John’s scientific team have plans in place to deal with such minor technical issues. “All the clues were there in my smash hit, ‘Rocket Man’”, he chuckled. “So I’ve booked myself on one of those Richard Branson space flight thingies.”</p> <p>“If we can get it going fast enough, the baby will age much faster than me on Earth and I’ll pop back just in time for his 16th birthday. Nine months should do it: by then my doctors think I’ll be fully time-dilated.” </p>