http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 03:13:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151972 Wed, 05 Dec 2012 07:55:59 +0000 DustyBinLaden 151972@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"No. Fuck him. He's a cunt." JoanBinLaden, Dusty's mum. "No, really, he is. Don't encourage him."</p> <p>Dunno what happened: no byline but posted by VCG.</p> <p>I don't understand how the back end tech works. I write all my posts on a ZX81 and then upload them by whistling binary into a Matsui cassette recorder plugged into the back of a public phone box. Probably just a glitch. </p> <p>All sorted, nothing to see. Thanks Ed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151952 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 23:11:21 +0000 Anonymous 151952@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Read this ages ago and really, really rated it..</p> <p>5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151946 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 22:37:45 +0000 Qoxiivi 151946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>See? Now look what you've done. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151944 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 22:31:17 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 151944@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Where did I come into this, did it have my name on it?</p> <p>If it had my name on it then I must have written it. You can't just go around asking the editor to change something that I wrote and to put your name on it instead. Bastard. Change it back.</p> <p>P.s. Yeah, whatever </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151940 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 22:01:00 +0000 Qoxiivi 151940@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I also think, given the consistently high quality of your writing, it's high time you were recognised as a regular contributor, rather than just an italicised credit filed under 'guest'.</p> <p>All those in agreement say 'No, fuck him, he's a cunt.'</p> <p>Actually, that may create some confusion. On second thoughts, just say 'Yeah, whatever.'</p> <p>NB: Don't come in here all disrespectin' VCG and that, mum or no mum. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151917 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 18:54:49 +0000 DustyBinLaden 151917@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hey Ed. any chance of a byline on this NiB? No disrespect to VCG, but my mum doesn't believe me unless it's got my 'name' on it. Ta. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151626 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 10:49:31 +0000 pinxit 151626@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pheuuuuuwwwwwwww!</p> <p>F'narrrrr.</p> <p>Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151578 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 22:55:12 +0000 Yikes 151578@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Delightfully subversive! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151572 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 21:17:46 +0000 Queen of Tarts 151572@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Comments 5 star funny as well as sub </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151547 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 19:00:34 +0000 DustyBinLaden 151547@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, but I want it back by Friday 'cos I'm taking some bird from the Ramsden Estate to an all-you-can-eat at the Friendly 8. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151541 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 17:30:06 +0000 Qoxiivi 151541@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Have either of you got any money I could borrow? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151539 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 16:55:30 +0000 waylandsmithy 151539@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fish paste? Are you chatting me up? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151537 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 16:46:01 +0000 DustyBinLaden 151537@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Qoxiivi: Went to St Joseph's RC Secondary. PoW camp, hospital, school, shit-hole, demolished.</p> <p>WS: It's like Narnia, but with MFI wardrobes, and fish paste instead of turkish delight. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151530 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 15:01:25 +0000 waylandsmithy 151530@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Careful, Dusty. He'll be asking to borrow money in a minute. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151528 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 14:55:26 +0000 Lucy4 151528@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought orpingting was against the law. If it isn't it should be. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151526 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 14:47:05 +0000 Qoxiivi 151526@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shut up, you. I'm trying to make friends.</p> <p>Dusty: Northlands Avenue. Went to Darrick Wood. Shit hole. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151523 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 14:33:59 +0000 waylandsmithy 151523@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't believe in Orpington. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151522 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 14:14:10 +0000 DustyBinLaden 151522@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Me too. Ronfearn Avenue. I like to name check it when I can. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151520 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 13:04:09 +0000 Qoxiivi 151520@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it, and that's coming from someone who grew up in Orpington. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52605#post-151503 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 09:58:06 +0000 DustyBinLaden 151503@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Gay men have declared fracking to be ‘a bit meh’, and have chosen not to include it in their lexicon of naughty experimental sex.</p> <p>‘Me and my boyfriend giggled all the way to the hardware store when we first heard about it,’ said gay man Simon Fitzpatrick. ‘When we got home with all the equipment, and we looked it up, it turned out to be quite a big feat of civil engineering that would have involved doing lots of high-pressure drilling on a Welsh hillside. I liked the big rubber trousers we were supposed to wear, but I mean, Wales. Hello? </p> <p>‘Fortunately I’d also bought some straws and we still had some bacon on a string in the fridge, so we got some friends round for a circle jerk over Louis on Strictly and had an early night of massive man action.’</p> <p>‘We’ve seen it all before, love,’ said Kevin from Orpington. ‘Breeders can barely contain themselves when given an opportunity to name perfectly mundane practices to sound like dubious gay sex. Quantitative easing and fiscal stimulation were the last little gems dreamt up by the homo-curious public schoolboys who run things these days. </p> <p>‘You all need to get out more, what with your plain vanilla wanking and your lying back and thinking of Waitrose. Sad, repressed little fuckers.’</p> <p>Energy Secretary Ed Davey has moved quickly to clarify the precise meaning of fracking, and its dangers.</p> <p>‘It may well involve plunging things into holes and producing potentially explosive gas from fissures, and it may well produce unexpected tremors, but it’s a large-scale commercial operation intended to extract shale gas, a type of fossil fuel, from the ground, not from another man’s bottom,’ said Mr Davey.</p> <p>Despite the clarification, Christian B&amp;B owners Joan and Martin Davenport have refused to allow two fracking engineers working for energy company Cuadrilla to share a twin room at their establishment in Ogmore-by-Sea.</p> <p>‘It makes me want to vomit just thinking about it,’ said Mrs Davenport, ‘ and my husband likes to shit himself while dressed as his dead aunt.’ </p>