http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 11:13:59 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151931 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 20:38:34 +0000 nickb 151931@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A demonstration of the comradeship enjoyed here. An excellent piece is premiered here, peer reviewed here then published elsewhere. Hooray for non-competitiveness and I will fight anyone who says otherwise! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151928 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 20:09:33 +0000 Dick Everyman 151928@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ha ha sorry Wayland - thought it would be worth the risk of you making me a carbon offset stat. Hope Mr Ed retracts and puts you out there! ;0) X </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151926 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 20:01:44 +0000 dvo4fun 151926@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Loved the final version esp: 'Carbine Offset' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151911 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 18:14:35 +0000 waylandsmithy 151911@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry, sorry, sorry. I really didn't think it stood a snowball's chance in December 2050, as it wasn't exactly the most politically correct thing I've ever written.</p> <p>Shows what I know. Nuffink.</p> <p>Dick, no: you cannot have my slot. I've never heard anything so filthy. Although I did wonder why your awesome street art sub hadn't appeared yet... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151907 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 17:53:14 +0000 Perks 151907@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 stars For the edit </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151895 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 16:21:59 +0000 Dick Everyman 151895@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can I have Wayland's slot then if he's not using it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151881 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 15:03:59 +0000 editor 151881@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Actually it was lined up to be a front page. Oh well. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151864 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 14:13:46 +0000 writinginbsl 151864@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ooh dear wayland, and i really liked it too!</p> <p>panda bashing is to be encouraged at all times </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151859 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 13:17:18 +0000 waylandsmithy 151859@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just for a change I'm withdrawing this. Sorry!</p> <p>I ended up editing it down, then it ended up fitting a different site better, and it seemed a shame to risk it getting NiBbed. And I guess it doesn't really fit this site's editorial style anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151791 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 09:02:40 +0000 Dickens or Shakespeare 151791@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some bloke with a funny Movember Mo tried this 70 years ago. Seemed to offend a lot of poeople. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151782 Tue, 04 Dec 2012 08:18:36 +0000 nickb 151782@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wait a minute I drive a Prius! Now I know what it is like to be satirised by an expert. And it is not funny, and it is not clever. Well it is both of those things, clearly. Sob.<br /> Stars, though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151636 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 12:28:02 +0000 dvo4fun 151636@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"... while most of us wouldn’t want to drive a Prius, we could be persuaded to ‘offset murder’ for the sake of our children’s future." Great idea, great sub </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151635 Mon, 03 Dec 2012 12:20:51 +0000 Dick Everyman 151635@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>.....topping just three fertile cyclists could offset winter skiing trips for his family for generations to come</p> <p>Lovely concept though you'd have to catch 'em young before irrepairable saddle damage to their nut sacs. </p> <p>***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151535 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 15:36:29 +0000 custard cream 151535@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great concept - great execution! It's a hit! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151519 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 12:51:39 +0000 Al OPecia 151519@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It would work, I have modelled it. Just needs extensive ground proofing. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151517 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 11:58:06 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 151517@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great idea </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151516 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 11:56:12 +0000 Gerontius 151516@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Pleased to see fat lads getting a bit of a break for a change.<br /> A fat boy is far more energy efficient than an electric blanket. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151509 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 11:04:14 +0000 Not Amused 151509@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The australians got part way there a few years ago ..<br /> <a href="http://science.time.com/2011/06/10/australia-killing-camels-for-carbon-credits/" rel="nofollow">http://science.time.com/2011/06/10/australia-killing-camels-for-carbon-credits/</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151508 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 11:01:52 +0000 charlies_hat 151508@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent.</p> <p>Jeffrey Dahmer is a poster boy environmental campaigner. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151491 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 08:59:04 +0000 nickb 151491@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent. Green campaigners could knock people down with electric cars. I think people shold only commit low carbon murders. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151488 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 08:14:59 +0000 waylandsmithy 151488@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jen, it's a grey area. But to be on the safe side, I'd shoot three or four neighbours. The plan can only work if we all commit to hit our targets.</p> <p>Damn, that's a better pay-off, and the edit window is closed. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151486 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 08:02:31 +0000 Queen of Tarts 151486@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Classic, would give 6 if I could </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151484 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 06:29:40 +0000 Golgo13 151484@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>At least something good has emerged from all that hot air coming out of the chat room. </p> <p>Like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151476 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 03:33:36 +0000 saltire 151476@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'..by strangling a family of pandas and harpooning a pod of humpback whales'.</p> <p>Not satisfied with upsetting the climate change lobby,Wayland risks encouraging the wrath of the animal rights groups &amp; cyclists.Or worse yet..activists.<br /> Badgers &amp; foxes got off lightly.As did domestic pets..sadly.</p> <p>5 cute Andrex puppies for you sir.Would you like a sack ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151473 Sun, 02 Dec 2012 01:10:08 +0000 The All New Jeni B 151473@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This has me worried. I'm a 4x4 driving, non-gym going, streak of piss who eats a lot.</p> <p>Does this mean I'm a target or not? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151464 Sat, 01 Dec 2012 22:56:11 +0000 Yikes 151464@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good .. saw your comment in the other room and instantly thought it was a good concept ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52593#post-151463 Sat, 01 Dec 2012 22:54:12 +0000 waylandsmithy 151463@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A psychopathic think-tank has suggested a solution to man-made global warming could be just around the corner, if people murder other people to offset their own carbon emissions.</p> <p>With so many of the population showing signs of carbon use, fun-loving ‘carbon heads’ have struggled to find an effective way of justifying their addiction. People with heating in their houses will know all too well that planting a tree can be time-consuming and boring, but paying a hitman to kill barely a handful of strangers could offset a trans-Atlantic flight.</p> <p>Graham Collis believes that while most of us wouldn’t want to drive a Prius, we could be persuaded to ‘offset murder’ for the sake of our children’s future. Although random assassinations would appear to offer an easy solution, Collis insists that choosing the best victims calls for some scientific knowledge.</p> <p>“We’re suggesting an energy rating system for targets, to show how efficient they are”, explained Collis. “It would range from ‘A’ for a well-insulated fat lad, down to ‘G’ for a poorly lagged streak of piss.” Some critics have pointed out that skinny people eat less, but Collis dismissed this argument with a picture of Victoria Beckham being driven to a gym. As he pointed out, “according to our research, the sedentary obese make far more effective carbon sinks.”</p> <p>“It’s a straight-forward choice”, said Collis. “We can either choose to reduce our emissions a little, or completely stem someone else’s.” The visionary is calling for further research into deadly contagions, which could specifically target those that are a complete waste of carbon.</p> <p>Work has already begun on a virus that specifically targets vegetable bores who go on about their allotments, and a miniature tiger is being developed to attack people who pay for train tickets with loose change. As Collis points out, topping just three fertile cyclists could offset winter skiing trips for his family for generations to come.</p> <p>“We’re gradually winning people over”, claimed Collis, “and we’re making all sorts of astonishing new break-throughs. For instance, did you know that some animals waste carbon too?” </p> <p>Collis has carried out some preliminary experiments in this area, by strangling a family of pandas and harpooning a pod of humpback whales. “It’s too early to say for sure”, said Collis, “but my colleagues tell me I've managed to ground up to nine WWF helicopters, and at least two Greenpeace sea planes.” </p>