http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52447 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 07:50:12 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52447#post-150942 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 15:09:19 +0000 thumper 150942@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In response to a 16 year-old swine throwing pieces of ham at a mosque in Crawley yesterday, the Pig Independence Group (or PIG for short) has set-down a series of ground rules for their use this Christmas.</p> <p>Leon Snuffleton, the group’s leader, oinked, “We make the effort to get plump and tasty for your enjoyment, and all we ask for is a little respect in return.”</p> <p>“We are a firmly agnostic species, and we hope that you humans will refrain from using us for any sort of religious warfare.”</p> <p>“By all means stuff apples in our mouths and roast us slowly over a fire in the name of gastronomy, but don’t stuff bombs in our mouths and push us into busy shopping centres in the name of your God.”</p> <p>Britain’s no.1 bacon lover Tony Munchkin cheered, “I always said they wanted to be eaten – take that vegetarians! But is there any sort of preparation they object to?”</p> <p>PIG’s philosopher Snouty McSqueals grunted, “We’d rather not be wrapped round a man’s penis and fed to a dog,” before listing what else was and wasn’t acceptable for them: </p> <p>“Being kept as pets is okay, as long as we’re living outside in the mud and rain, and not in the bathtub.”</p> <p>“Our use in metaphors and similes is judged on a case by case basis, so ‘pigs might fly’ is good, as it is something we’ve always dreamt of doing, but ‘eat like a pig’ is a definite no-no.”</p> <p>“We actually take great pride in our table manners.”</p> <p>“Oh, and for all you desperate psychopaths out there, feeding us murdered or inconveniently dead humans is fine.”</p> <p>“What? Don’t look at me like that, you guys are tasty. Although I’m not going to lie, I do sometimes like to pretend that I’m in Animal Farm when I’m chewing someone’s face off.” </p>