http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 15:22:59 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150676 Mon, 26 Nov 2012 18:26:18 +0000 Rowly 150676@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like it<br /> Perhaps the automated system could ask "did you bring your own Body Bag?" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150674 Mon, 26 Nov 2012 18:21:35 +0000 Dick Everyman 150674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'll have word with me mate Weematt ;0) Thanks for the comments both. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150664 Mon, 26 Nov 2012 16:58:59 +0000 Midfield Diamond 150664@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Agree with Oxbridge, some nice ideas and lines in both. Needs a good punchline, how about something along the lines of 'unexpected remission in the packing area'? I'm sure you can do better than that. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150608 Mon, 26 Nov 2012 09:52:07 +0000 Oxbridge 150608@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Splice the best bits together and that's FP, I reckon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150556 Sun, 25 Nov 2012 19:58:25 +0000 dvo4fun 150556@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Different take on the term 'check out'. Nice </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150541 Sun, 25 Nov 2012 17:23:13 +0000 weematt 150541@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41180">another attempt at the link</a></p> <p>Sorry about the link. If this doesn't work I give up.</p> <p>Tested - it works </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150538 Sun, 25 Nov 2012 15:44:22 +0000 Dick Everyman 150538@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Error 404 - Not Found<br /> ;0( I'll dig deeper ;0).......</p> <p>.......Just did - yep, you definitely deserved more recognition - maybe you should've have gone private? I'm used to hanging around in the waiting room here so the prognosis might not be a good one!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150523 Sun, 25 Nov 2012 12:44:23 +0000 weematt 150523@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href=" <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41180" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41180</a>">Hope you have better luck than I had</a><br /> Sympathetic stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52280#post-150520 Sun, 25 Nov 2012 11:07:15 +0000 Dick Everyman 150520@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a new cost saving scheme to be introduced by the NHS in 2013, patients on the verge of death will no longer have to wait for lengthy periods of time to check out. </p> <p>Doctors and hard pressed nurses will soon be able to give patients the option to perform their own scans at specially adapted self-service check outs, instead of waiting in lengthy queues of up to six months for a member of staff to process them. </p> <p>Special bar coded wrist bands and coin-operated conveyor belt systems will transport the dying to the packing area. Here teams of undertakers will be on hand to help patients get wrapped before transporting them to the local morgue for just a £5 delivery charge.</p> <p>A spokesman for the Department of Health explained “The scheme will allow doctors to spend more time on back office issues such as target setting, financial control and the odd round of golf. At the same time patients with just one serious condition will be able to check out on their own in order to reduce waiting times for other people with ten or more afflictions.”</p> <p>One patient who has been waiting in a queue since last March said, “It’s about time this option was set up. There’s nothing worse than standing behind someone with loads of afflictions on the conveyor who then asks the operator for a second opinion once everything has gone through. Self-scanning puts the ball in your court and you can check out with a minimum of fuss.”</p> <p>Under the scheme loyalty card points will be automatically transferred to next of kin or patients will have the option to put them towards funeral expenses or their favourite charity.</p> <p>There has however been some criticism from patients. Doug Young, a terminally ill patient from the Wirral said, “Checking yourself out may be quite convenient but you can’t get fags, cash-back or buy a lottery ticket at the same time. It’s an NHS shambles.“ </p>