http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51172 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 01:35:33 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51172#post-147319 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 16:11:21 +0000 rfreed 147319@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>FAMOUS MAGAZINES MAKE THEIR PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENTS.<br /> Rolling Stone- “Jerry Garcia Man! He’d make the bitchiness President ever! Wait, what do you mean he’s dead?”<br /> Playboy- “Bill Clinton! We’d be able to make a lot of copy if he were back in the saddle!”<br /> Cosmopolitan- “Sarah Palin! What a hot cover we’d have if she were elected! And the sexy articles we could write.”<br /> Sports Illustrated- “Bring Teddy Roosevelt back from the dead. He’s the only real man in the President’s seat since Andrew Jackson!”<br /> Consumer’s Reports- “We’ve said Ralph Nader the last two elections and we’ll say it again this one even though he isn’t running!”<br /> The Conservative- “We still want Gingrich! We’re just stuck with the Mormon guy. Of course, he is better any day than the black guy.”<br /> MAD Magazine- “We’re in for Romney. Obama is too difficult to make fun of. Romney is a walking target.”<br /> Better Homes and Gardens- “Obama! Not that we want him, but his wife has just the touch that our readers like. No Negroes normally live in the neighborhoods we write about.”<br /> TV Guide- “Definitely, unquestionably, firmly Romney. He’s owned by FOX News and they are our biggest advertiser.”<br /> High Times- “What election?”<br /> Field and Stream- “We sell hunting which means selling guns which means the NRA which means the Republicans which means Romney whether we like him or not.”<br /> Philosophy Today- “In the ultimate realm of things and in the true height and breadth of the mammoth universe in which we live does it matter who we endorse?”<br /> Maxim- “Jessica Alba! Who cares if she knows nothing about politics? She's hot!”<br /> National Geographic- “Since the only ethnic about Romney is his Mormonism we feel obliged to back Obama. In our history if we had only ever done articles on boring Anglo-Saxon businessmen we would have gone out of print long ago.”<br /> US Magazine- “We don't care who wins. We'll be able to come up with crap about either one of them.”<br /> Esquire- “Oh, PLEASE!! Must you ask? We only write about cool people. Do you think Romney would fit that bill?”<br /> Reader's Digest- “Romney. It would be a lot less work condensing what he has to say.”<br /> The New Yorker- “Only the urbane, the sophisticated and the intellectual for us. Obama is our man.”<br /> Ebony- “Now just who do you think? Romney is so white bread and slick he would just slide right off the page if we wrote about him.”<br /> Vogue- “Since our magazine is entirely based on looks it is a difficult decision. Both men are good looking and good dressers. Obama would be favored on being a cooler dresser, but would lose points because his ears stick out.”<br /> News Biscuit (printed version)- “Can we get George W. back? We always had an endless source of material with him around!” </p>