http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 21 May 2013 12:10:14 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-147268 Mon, 05 Nov 2012 09:17:43 +0000 Re Pete 147268@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cheers! I'm off to hug a grease monkey. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-147141 Sun, 04 Nov 2012 09:37:15 +0000 pinxit 147141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@Re Pete: Thought I'd left you a message on here at the time. Loved this and it's a well-deserved FP. </p> <p>Lots of belated stars and a spanking new big end. =] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146881 Fri, 02 Nov 2012 09:34:37 +0000 Tripod 146881@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'My' mechanic is also called Dave. Even though I left town five years ago, I drive two hours to his little back-street lock-up when my car needs attention. He says the things you want to hear, especially "Come back at 5pm. I'll have everything sorted out". And when the day comes when any further work looks like throwing good money after bad, he tells me straight. "Your car's fucked", he says... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146778 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 12:09:08 +0000 Re Pete 146778@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ta again, all! </p> <p>Only thing is I'd popped by earlier and someone had been kind enough to let me know where I could get a good deal on a posh handbag, but the swines have removed their post now before I could get the details down. That's putting a dampener on my day. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146725 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 00:30:07 +0000 Username 146725@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146723 Thu, 01 Nov 2012 00:23:26 +0000 DorsetBoy 146723@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Definitely touched a nerve there, and very close to the funny bone. 5 stars for originality alone. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146709 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 22:22:07 +0000 Yikes 146709@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good sub .. like the end as is but the hood idea seems good as well! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146680 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 16:35:54 +0000 Re Pete 146680@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you kind people. </p> <p>And squudge you might be right about that end, but at the minute can't think of anything else, apart from Mrs H welcoming the arrival of a man who knows something about what goes on underneath the hood. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146676 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 16:16:02 +0000 Ironduke 146676@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah yes.. the garage and the DIY shop...normally I feel borderline sure that I am a virile male of the species, but in either of those two places a certain doubt starts to creep in<br /> 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146675 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 16:12:18 +0000 Dick Everyman 146675@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>My mechanic was so ugly he actually turned me straight - 5 star lubrication! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146671 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 16:02:29 +0000 Squudge 146671@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>lovely<br /> - though the last bit needs its nuts tightening somehow </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50961#post-146669 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 15:50:16 +0000 Re Pete 146669@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Returning to the family home last Thursday after collecting his car from a routine service, James Hepworth, a 43-year-old married man from Lincoln, finally confessed to his wife what he described as the "last remaining love that dare not speak its name" -- the unconditional and all-consuming adoration he felt for Dave Shepherd, his auto-mechanic at Cecil Lane Motors. </p> <p>"Mechanics have always understood and nurtured the real me," declared Hepworth, "from Vince Hemmings, who saw my old Renault 5 through my first MOT, and blokily suggested I’d be getting a lot of ‘action with the birds’ in the backseat despite my lingering virginity, to Dave Shepherd, the man prepared to act like he believes me when I say the Vauxhall Zafira in for its 20,000 mile service has got a surprising amount of poke, these sweet kind men have all discussed connecting rods with me as if I had a clue what they actually are. More than any woman or career achievement, a mechanic has always made me feel like a man." </p> <p>Later that same evening Hepworth told his friends of his feelings for "the white knights of the auto trade" at the pub, and was "touched and overwhelmed" by the response. Men he’d known from childhood broke down in tears and said that they too, harboured a love that was so much more than a mere crush for their mechanics. The rest of the evening passed with supportive hugs and shared stories of bone-crushing handshakes, honest and open xenophobia, and topless calendars they’d never be allowed to have in their own studies. </p> <p>Back at home Hepworth’s wife Jane was said to be digesting the news and its implications. "I guess, deep down, I’d always known this about James," she said, "after taking my Clio in for an oil change he’d suddenly want two sugars in his tea, take an interest in how West Ham were getting on, and start every conversation on every topic with ‘Well Dave says...’ -- the signs were there." </p> <p>However, Mrs Hepworth is remaining stoic in the face of the revelation that her husband has fallen for a greased-up, well-toned man 20 years his junior, "At least we have something in common now," she commented, "Dave moves in with us next Tuesday, and James is so excited he doesn’t even mind that he’ll have to sleep in the box room from now on." </p>