http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 10:52:21 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-147110 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 22:37:25 +0000 Yikes 147110@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>lol, hadn't picked up on the 'complete hunt' reference! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-147109 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 22:36:11 +0000 Squudge 147109@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ta!</p> <p>I wonder if the 'Complete Hunt' idea will catch on in the NHS </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-147086 Sat, 03 Nov 2012 19:24:31 +0000 Yikes 147086@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Missed this till seeing it on neato results - great sub ... 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-146586 Wed, 31 Oct 2012 08:57:01 +0000 Squudge 146586@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...mm... want to modify to 'wipe clean' re-useable spikes... mmm</p> <p>do I need to do a pic for this or does Pinxit fancy the challenge? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-146490 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 17:55:58 +0000 Squudge 146490@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ta reforse<br /> .. a little bit of Hallowe'en influence there, mixed with digging up S*vile</p> <p>&lt;sings&gt; ♪♫ <strong>Neat-o NEAT-OOOH Neat-O</strong> ♫ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-146489 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 17:52:37 +0000 reforse 146489@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bedfinder Pursuivant, that's fantastic. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50891#post-146488 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 17:46:28 +0000 Squudge 146488@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In the face of rising costs, the Department of Health has unveiled new plans to augment modern therapies and equipment with those currently 'in long-term storage'. </p> <p>"It is a criminal waste of facilities to leave tried and tested instruments on display in museums, when they could be put to work long past their supposed retirement date", stated Clive Throstlemore, curator at the Medieval Torture Museum of Scunthorpe. "The Iron Maiden therapy will save on time and staffing as we automate acupuncture by gently incarcerating the patient in a traditional ergonomic chamber complete with fixed re-useable spikes", he explained deferentially, as Special-Interest Advisor to Jeremy Hunt. </p> <p>"We must learn from the ancients!" cried the Health Secretary, or 'Bedfinder Pursuivant' as he now insists on being known. Hunt, sporting a long black cloak and what looked like vampire teeth, outlined other planned treatments. "Leeches!" he exclaimed (later clarifying that he didn't mean the patients).</p> <p>Other cost-effective trusty remedies include 'The Rack', a device which, it is hoped, will reduce the number of sick days lost to 'back problems', mainly by setting a few choice examples. Meanwhile, NHS dental practices are being urged to consider using good old-fashioned pliers and a glug of alcohol or whiff of breathtaking extortion, plus kneeling on the patients chest so they don't wriggle too much. This 'dental plan' has already been discreetly trailled all over the UK, for the last 25 years, it can be revealed.</p> <p>The new 'Complete Hunt' Therapy Plan will be supported by legislation designating illness as 'anti-social behaviour', with a sliding scale of penalties. "We were thinking the hospital food, plus the effective strategy as old as time itself, of 'The Wait', with the 'patient' fully aware of what to expect. Eventually." </p> <p>"If that doesn't deter them, we also plan to run an advertising campaign over the Christmas period," murmured Hunt, swishing his silken cloak. "We will of course continue with the planned homeopathic levels of funding." </p>