http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 14:55:37 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146135 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 22:09:24 +0000 custard cream 146135@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>love it! max. stars! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146127 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 20:15:17 +0000 Yikes 146127@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for the kind words!</p> <p>Re the last para, this was posted before Mr G Glitter was arrested which I briefly thought was prescient, but on reflection realised it was more akin to "the sun will rise in the morning". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146082 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 11:26:12 +0000 Dick Everyman 146082@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Looking at some celebrity faces many seem to be using formaldehyde many years before they visit the morgue, which gives real credibility to your story. Heavenly stars ***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146074 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 09:12:43 +0000 nickb 146074@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dead good </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146071 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 08:59:34 +0000 dvo4fun 146071@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some genuine splutters there Yikes. </p> <p>"...you can’t open a home for abandoned kittens when you are dead." Good work </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146069 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 08:26:26 +0000 charlies_hat 146069@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great last para. Maybe trim it for a nib rather than fp? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146068 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 08:18:46 +0000 Golgo13 146068@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146062 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 06:51:58 +0000 Squudge 146062@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>what's up? couldn't sleep?</p> <p>nice idea - starrage </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50678#post-146061 Sun, 28 Oct 2012 05:25:08 +0000 Yikes 146061@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The days of death being the ‘de rigor’ method of future proofing a celebrities’ legacy seem to be over, with many famous people now avoiding death like the plague.</p> <p>‘It used to be that the ‘don’t speak ill of the dead’ convention, plus on going CD and DVD sales, made death a shrewd business move’ said PR consultant Abby Jerard. ‘But now the skeletons in your closet take up the first four rows at your funeral – and they aren’t singing ‘Candle in the Wind’, but more likely ‘Candle up your Arse’. There is no comeback from a post mortem scandal – you can’t open a home for abandoned kittens when you are dead.’</p> <p>The newfound awareness of the downsides of death has caused startling changes in celebrity behaviour. Cocaine, ecstasy, and meth use are at all-time lows, and celebrities offered rehab are saying ‘yes, yes, yes’. Jeremy Clarkson has traded in his Porsche Spyder for a Volvo station wagon and has enrolled in a defensive driving course. Most shocking of all, Sir Elton John was seen eating fruit, as opposed to using it as a sex aid.</p> <p>PR and ER are now going hand in hand - in the event of falling seriously ill, many celebrities have left instructions that life support is only to be turned off during the summer break. One BBC presenter is said to be so worried that he has stipulated that life support is only to be ended if England win the World Cup and Kate Middleton gives birth on the same day.</p> <p>‘Our worst nightmare is an unexpected death’ said Max Clifford about a ‘much loved’ entertainer he manages. ‘So if that happens we won’t publish a death notice, but will instead announce that he has moved to New Zealand – close enough to the truth to be only a small white lie.’</p> <p>A newly sober prominent guitarist summed up the gloomy celebrity mood: ‘Fuck Savile – I have to eat this salad shit, and can’t climb palm trees while stoned anymore. I feel suicidal, but that is not a viable option considering I was too out of it to recall what happened when I invited Gary Glitter, a bus load of schoolgirls, and the Epping Photography Society to visit my sanctuary for retired stud donkeys.’ </p>