http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50207 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 20:26:15 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50207#post-144935 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 19:35:31 +0000 Perks 144935@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice ni(ck)b.</p> <p>See what I did there</p> <p>Stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50207#post-144844 Sun, 21 Oct 2012 10:02:15 +0000 nickb 144844@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Conservatives have noticed with approval how the former Chief Whip has whipped himself into shape. He’s now left his post to kick start his own 5 point weight loss plan, which he outlines below:</p> <p>1: Cycling. I do lots of it. Long interrupted bouts of pedalling will make the pounds disappear<br /> • Top tip: Take control of your exercise programme. “Uninterrupted” is the key here, bike-wise. That Norman Tebbit had the right idea, and he’s a skinny fucker. I did not say “fucker.”</p> <p>2: Toast. It’s easy to prepare, lots of low fat toppings are available (careful with that butter, Eric) and austerity-friendly.<br /> • Top Tip: You are what you eat. I eat loads of toast. Loads. Enough said</p> <p>3: Milk. Low fat, great for bones and teeth, prices fixed by supermarkets, which are fixed by us!<br /> • Top Tip. Note to self. Better find out exactly how much it is. Frankly I have no idea. </p> <p>4: Relax. Don’t let the world prevent you having plenty of down time. Don’t eat too much, and don’t let too much eat you!<br /> • Top Tip: Suggest “We Have all the Time to Spend with our Families in the World” by Louis Armstrong for TV ad</p> <p>5: Starting your own weight loss plan, building on your fame as a top Tory? Best adopt a pseudonym for your slogan.<br /> • Top Tip: I’m going to and call myself Grant Shapps in the online campaign. Sure he won't mind, as he occasionally leaves it unattended. “Get into shape with Schapps” Note to self: One of those clever Ad men can think of a joke about a “Government Grant”. </p>