http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50130 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 13:15:01 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50130#post-144603 Fri, 19 Oct 2012 14:37:38 +0000 Tripod 144603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>You're clearly thinking of the Amateur Conker Championships which indeed used to be held in Ashton. But have since moved several miles away to the Ship Inn, Oundle. You can trust me on this. Accrington Town Hall in the venue for the Professional World Title. :)</blockquote></p> <p>Bloody hell, I hadn't realised that conkers had split along pro and am lines. I used to go to the event in Ashton, 'cos I lived nearby and was going out with a lass who lived in the village. On my last visit, I wasn't allowed in the sponsor's tent without accreditation. After that my interest in conkers, waned, along with my interest in the lass from Ashton... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50130#post-144598 Fri, 19 Oct 2012 14:12:14 +0000 Anonymous 144598@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hi Tripod,</p> <p>You're clearly thinking of the Amateur Conker Championships which indeed used to be held in Ashton. But have since moved several miles away to the Ship Inn, Oundle. You can trust me on this. Accrington Town Hall in the venue for the Professional World Title. :)</p> <p>Pinxit. Mmm I take your point. And many thanks. I'd obviously have used a comedy twist had one occurred. Always would. But in the absence of same, I went for the direct satirical hit – making the Serbian coach's excuse even crazier than the ones used for the disgraceful scenes at the football.</p> <p>Also, this is only my first week and my third story for News Biscuit.</p> <p>And my very first two comments. </p> <p>I'm very grateful. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50130#post-144581 Fri, 19 Oct 2012 13:15:29 +0000 pinxit 144581@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oddly enough, I was thinking of doing a conkers cheating story this morning - what with the Armstrong doping case an' all... never thought of the Serbian racism brouhaha...</p> <p>P'raps a stronger punch line and twist? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50130#post-144576 Fri, 19 Oct 2012 13:08:30 +0000 Tripod 144576@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Accrington?? The World Conker Championship takes place in the village of Ashton... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50130#post-144575 Fri, 19 Oct 2012 13:04:25 +0000 Anonymous 144575@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Serbia has been disqualified from this year's World Conker Championships which kicks off in Accrington Town Hall this weekend.</p> <p>Inspectors from the World Conker Council yesterday discovered gross irregularities in dozens of Serbian conkers, scheduled for use in Saturday morning's Round One against England Under 21's. Of those submitted for random testing, ten were found with solid black innards. A sure sign they had been illegally dipped in vinegar and baked in an oven. </p> <p>“One look at their skin and I knew they were cheating,” said Len Grandly, WCC Match Referee.</p> <p>“A conker's skin should be clean and clear. Gently tanned with a healthy waxen sheen and a well defined blonde circle at the crown of the nut,” Grandly explained. “But these Serbian conkers were coarse and wrinkly, showing sure signs of being blackened in a gas oven.”</p> <p>Serbian coach, Ratko Slobodzic later admitted his team's conkers were hard as nails. But vehemently denied cheating. “Our beautiful Balkan horse-chestnuts were suffering from sunburn brought on by exposure to your unreliable British weather,” he claimed. </p>