http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 02:58:03 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767&page=2#post-144190 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 18:19:59 +0000 Dick Everyman 144190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Coincidentally, last Sunday I spoke to a large blue Macaw stationed at the entrance to a supermarket in Wales who recounted the above story almost word for word before targeting a stream of filth at me. I felt completely soiled... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767&page=2#post-144187 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 17:33:12 +0000 The Secret Cabal 144187@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ANGER IN THE SUBURBS</p> <p>A SOBBING MAN IS IN A CAGE. HE IS PELTED WITH FILTH. IT IS TOO DARK FOR THE PELTEE TO IDENTIFY HIS PELTORS.</p> <p>HE QUOTES THE INGREDIENTS OF SHAMPOO BOTTLES, SAUSAGE ROLL WRAPPERS AND RECIPES FOR SHIT CHUTNEY. OCCASIONALLY HE IS SICK OUT OF HIS NOSTRILS AND SOMEONE LAUGHS.</p> <p>EVERY EPISODE IS THE SAME EXCEPT FOR CHRISTMAS WHEN HE IS PELTED WITH SLIGHTLY LESS FILTH AND HAS A HAT ON. IT IS A HAT UNRELATED TO THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. PERHAPS A BEANIE. THE CABAL IS YET TO DECIDE.</p> <p>THE BACK STORY IS THAT THE MAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN IN THE CAGE AND ONCE OWNED A BUDGIE BUT IT WAS WRITTEN OUT TO SAVE COSTS. THE BUDGIE IS OF LITTLE CONSEQUENCE EXCEPT WHEN THE PELTORS PAUSE PELTING AND THE PELTEE ANNOUNCES 'I MISS THAT BUDGIE'.</p> <p>OMNIBUS ON SUNDAY CONTAINS COMMENTARY ON DISTANCE AND SPEED AT WHICH FILTH IS PELTERED. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-144180 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 16:25:16 +0000 dvo4fun 144180@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>mrs 4fun's mother has been staying for the last few days and we indulged her by allowing [Just One!] episode of Coronation Street. </p> <p>I last watched it about 45 years ago but rather worryingly I was able to recognise 'Miss Nugent'. Of Leonard Swindley there was no sign </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-144122 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 10:41:35 +0000 Dick Everyman 144122@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>that's not dancing..... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-144121 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 10:28:40 +0000 beau-jolly 144121@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>She had a few small parts (fnarr!) and was not the big lass who is now strictly dancing either. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-144036 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 21:01:28 +0000 Dick Everyman 144036@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Strewth Beau! Did she wear floral patterned knickers as well? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143985 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 13:17:39 +0000 Ironduke 143985@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AzT5pruwnbg/R2hhNw_q1BI/AAAAAAAADDI/IllNYcGcOKg/s400/Annie+80s.jpg"></p> <p>I can see why you miss her... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143976 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 13:04:49 +0000 beau-jolly 143976@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Um.. Isn't Waterloo Road set in a School? Never watched it myself so the above may well be a very clever piss take of the recent plots.<br /> I haven't seen Emmerdale since a (now sadly ex) girlfriend was in it.</p> <p>Definitely time for a new soap. Mine's down to the sticky label bit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143972 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 12:49:43 +0000 Dick Everyman 143972@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sinnick, you're not missing out so don't get yourself into a flap. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143940 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 10:06:39 +0000 Sinnick 143940@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I really must be missing out, never having opened Jilly Cooper's covers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143926 Tue, 16 Oct 2012 08:18:16 +0000 Dick Everyman 143926@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I once bought a book and got it signed by Miss Cooper in a weak moment in Waterstones. I found it years later in my garage all mouldy, mildewed and sadly unread. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143893 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 23:12:10 +0000 Ironduke 143893@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh god. I've been elated at transcribing a plot thesis only to find Jilly Cooper beat me to it.</p> <p>For F*ck's sake. My fingernails are cracked and bleeding with barrel stave splinters tearign my flesh. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143879 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 21:17:15 +0000 Ironduke 143879@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...and the pilots! and lonely pilots wives! and air hostesses! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143878 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 21:17:11 +0000 The All New Jeni B 143878@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hate to tell you this boys, but Jilly Cooper's been there before you...<a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wicked-Jilly-Cooper-OBE/dp/0552151564/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1350335776&amp;sr=1-1">Sex, drugs and detention halls...</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143874 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 21:01:50 +0000 Dick Everyman 143874@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bring in the contractors! Pissing in the flower beds and servicing bored housewives and the occassional house husband. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143869 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 20:42:02 +0000 Ironduke 143869@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...and the compulsory purchase orders threatening (oh, the cliffhangers) and ultimately delivering closure of a large under-performing secondary school,packed with various ethnic minorities and varying from sink estate to hardworking self-employed, with dissipation of the children equally amongst the four other nearest schools, one of which just happens to be a posh private school and mainly white middle and upper class but with some hardworking grafters who have more in common with the new arrivals...</p> <p>Oh, to be a fly on the wall of the first parent association meeting! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143867 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 20:34:23 +0000 Dick Everyman 143867@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Back stories - Slough in danger of becoming 3rd London Airport and High Speed Train slap bang through Windsor Park. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143865 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 20:23:01 +0000 Ironduke 143865@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Windsor and Slough should do it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143864 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 20:22:01 +0000 Ironduke 143864@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh yes, yes yes. BUT...with a large Government imposed scholarship contingent from the neighbouring sink estate. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143851 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 19:41:21 +0000 Dick Everyman 143851@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>How about the school being a posh private school, kids with lots of disposable dosh and going out in smart mini coopers to facebook parties. Politicians, bankers, TV execs and pop star parents on every illegal path known to mankind. Let's collaborate - not that I have a privileged backround... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143850 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 19:34:21 +0000 Ironduke 143850@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmmm. For a truly succesful soap-opera you need a spread of age range, appealing to all the family sitting down to watch telly together.</p> <p>I suspect therein may lay another part of the problem- families viewing together.</p> <p>I would suggest a multi-layered plot centreing around a school, with teachers, parents and children interacting, and with seperate episodes focussing on the children going out grange Hill style and time, but the same adult characters also featuring in a later evening version looking at the adults lives mainly, with plot lines cleverly intertwining.</p> <p>That way, all the family can share conversations about the characters, and if the kids creep downstairs after bedtime they can see the Headmistress snogging Jones's stepdad, explaining why Jones was getting teased and missed a penalty in the match.</p> <p>Its a surefire ratings winner. You're welcome. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143771 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 12:19:04 +0000 kimllfixit 143771@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I reckon a fictional version of My Big Fat Gypsy Weddings would be a massive hit. The Channel 4 complaints department would be swamped with letters if there were four shows a week.</p> <p>Actually, that might be a bit too similar to Hollyoaks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143767 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 12:11:55 +0000 Dick Everyman 143767@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good idea riesler with loads of cliff hanging flounces!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143764 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 11:56:29 +0000 riesler 143764@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A tale of everyday comedy writing folk? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143761 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 11:52:31 +0000 Dick Everyman 143761@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, and if he is a lesbian too that would help help the ratings... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143695 Mon, 15 Oct 2012 07:20:56 +0000 Squudge 143695@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A soap opera revolving around the life of 27 year old Albert Crumpsall as he attempts to read a decent book or engage in conversation with his family.</p> <p>Might pull in the same viewing crowd that went for Prisoner Cell Block H. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143671 Sun, 14 Oct 2012 21:47:00 +0000 Dick Everyman 143671@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>If we could analyse where people do socially interact nowadays then maybe we're on to a winning formula? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143670 Sun, 14 Oct 2012 21:40:01 +0000 Ironduke 143670@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Perhaps the issue with soap operas is that people don't live in the same place witha consistent social interaction anymore. Typically we don't know out neighbours, and half the street who've just moved in. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143669 Sun, 14 Oct 2012 21:35:30 +0000 Dick Everyman 143669@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Crack Chimps set in Bristol Zoo? Plus other great locations, Clifton Suspension Bridge for swinging parties, Bristol Uni Student's Union for thrashers week.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49767#post-143666 Sun, 14 Oct 2012 21:26:03 +0000 The All New Jeni B 143666@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Chimpanzees on rollerskates, on drugs.</p> <p>Or, and this is my personal choice, ban all soap operas and make the masses who watch them read a decent book or engage in conversation with their families instead. </p>