http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49623 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 08:27:53 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49623#post-143292 Fri, 12 Oct 2012 09:15:26 +0000 button 143292@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it, especially the keeping his fingers crossed bit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49623#post-143289 Fri, 12 Oct 2012 08:56:40 +0000 Long Distance Clara 143289@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a further blow to his reputation, Lance Armstrong was today found to have tested positive for bullshit after denying the extensive allegations of cheating made against him by the US Anti-Doping Agency (Usada). </p> <p>‘After a detailed forensic examination, I am afraid to report that Mr Armstrong’s response to the mounting evidence against him was found to contain unnaturally high levels of bullshit,’ said a spokesman for the International Cycling Union, the sport’s governing body. ‘We tested his statements on taste, touch and smell, and regrettably they failed on all counts. You only needed to see the steam coming off his legal papers to know something wasn’t right.’</p> <p>Suspicions were initially raised against Armstrong after officials noted that during previous doping investigations he had insisted on keeping his fingers crossed during questioning, and on one occasion, after issuing a particularly strenuous denial of cheating, his pants spontaneously combusted. Armstrong has issued a further counter-denial, but the cycling authorities said this did nothing ‘clear the air – in fact it only made things worse’.</p> <p>Armstrong has now been stripped of his seven World’s Most Believable Man titles, but in recognition of his achievements in cycling has been awarded the Tour de France’s coveted Brown Jersey to keep for life. </p>