http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49556 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 19:18:34 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49556#post-143062 Thu, 11 Oct 2012 10:04:16 +0000 MarmiteMedicine 143062@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Kim Jong-un, The Supreme Leader of North Korea, today announced an unprecedented weight-loss initiative, to be immediately instated across the entirety of the impoverished country.</p> <p>An isolated and struggling totalitarian state, North Korea has been plagued with weight and nutritional problems as a result of the country's insular and aggressive attitude to foreign policy, as well as a corrupt government that stockpiles much-needed supplies to exclusively feed the upper echelon of society. As a result, the average North Korean is severely malnourished. This has resulted in stunted growth across the populace; the medium height of an adult North Korean appears to be a full 3 inches shorter than that of a South Korean.</p> <p>These facts are apparently lost on their country's tubby ruler, who stated in a televised speech that "our wondrous land has grown complacent and fat with our victory over sickening Western Imperialism. Whilst I, as the Supreme Leader of all I survey, am in perfect shape, you are not. It is time for you to shed this excess weight, not as a symbol of weakness, but as a warning to those who stand against us. Heed this warning, American Pigs: You will not be able to outrun us."</p> <p>Since coming into power on April 12th 2012, Kim Jong-un has struggled to assume the position of 'the fearsome mother'; the preferred persona of his predecessors, his father Kim Jong-il and grandfather Kim il-Sung. This move has been seen by some as a quick and easy way to establish an intention of care for his long-suffering populace, but most have derided it as self-reassurance on the part of the young, unsure and overweight Kim Jong-un.</p> <p>"It's basically the Napoleon Complex for fatties." noted South Korean cultural analyst, Hong Gil-dong, speaking during his lunch-break.</p> <p>"I mean, look at the dude. I'd project outwards too if I was a lardy kid in charge of such a massive and needy country..." said Gil-dong, whilst taking a deep drag from a clove cigarette.</p> <p>"... and seriously, what is with that jacket? It makes him look like a mature computer sciences student slap-bang in the middle of Comic-Con." </p>