http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 18 May 2013 11:38:18 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142777 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 07:08:41 +0000 sigmund 142777@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh, to be so talented. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142759 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 23:37:14 +0000 Carter 142759@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant. Have five shiny pointy things. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142757 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 23:34:54 +0000 FlashArry 142757@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>up you go, little feller .. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142521 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 17:34:49 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142521@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sometimes, NB just writes itself: <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2215096/Freddie-Starr-suffered-heart-palpitations-child-abuse-allegations-claims-fiancee-defends-television.html?openGraphAuthor=%2Fhome%2Fsearch.html%3Fs%3D%26authornamef%3DSam%2BGreenhill&amp;videoPlayerURL=http%3A%2F%2Fc.brightcove.com%2Fservices%2Fviewer%2Ffederated_f9%3FisVid%3D1%26isUI%3D1%26publisherID%3D1418450360%26playerID%3D72484359001%26domain%3Dembed%26videoId%3D&amp;hasBCVideo=true&amp;BCVideoID=1888135040001">Freddie Starr, 69, is suffering over child abuse claims, says fiance, 34</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142506 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 16:35:00 +0000 dvo4fun 142506@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Didn't see original version but lovely sub</p> <p>Could Jimmy's 'Top 100' be invited to piss on what remains of his corpse before any reburial? "It's what he would have wanted" said Sharon [now aged 37] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142491 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 15:15:07 +0000 pinxit 142491@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><em>"Ouch!" : A. Ayckbourn</em></p> <p>Didn't the army boys originally give him a 21 gun salute?</p> <p>P'raps they could aim at the coffin this time?</p> <p>Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142488 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 15:05:34 +0000 Midfield Diamond 142488@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice angle, well executed and the expansion works well too. I can't help thinking there should be a line about the BBC in there; maybe something about leading the backtracking, or covering their tracks perhaps? I also think the headline could be stronger, but have 5 anyway, good stuff. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142485 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:45:10 +0000 Dick Everyman 142485@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant! Take 5 more! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142478 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:19:05 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 142478@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stars from me. Excellent. Captures the mood. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142476 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:12:02 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142476@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And apologies to Scarborough, but it was irresistible. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142475 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:09:38 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142475@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks FlashArry and AReader, you got me thinking there. I'd forgotten about the sea and JFI badges. Another couple of paras added. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142469 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:56:53 +0000 Gerontius 142469@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I would just like to point out that, as yet, all these terrible things that people are saying about Jimmy are only allegations and nothing has been proven.<br /> I'm sure it's just a silly misunderstanding and he will be vindicated.<br /> You only have to look at him to realise he could never have been a creepy perv </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142467 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:40:19 +0000 waylandsmithy 142467@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So, conspiracy fans: who took the decision to concrete Jimmy's coffin in place? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142466 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:39:15 +0000 AReader 142466@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>The route will be lined with gold-tracksuited effigies which will be systematically torched to drive off the evil presence</blockquote></p> <p>With bonfire night fast approaching, this gives me a marvellous money-spinning idea... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142465 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:37:31 +0000 FlashArry 142465@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Another excellent post *****</p> <p>If you can use any of the following -</p> <p>A tribute containing 208 blossoms will be deflowered on route as a symbolic gesture to mark the abused</p> <p>The coffin carriage will be constructed from the melted metal slag of a million 'Jim Fixed It For Me' badges</p> <p>As the procession nears destinations end, the crowd will start to murmur 'Nonce, Nonce, Fucking Nonce' in a low register</p> <p>The route will be lined with gold-tracksuited effigies which will be systematically torched to drive off the evil presence</p> <p>... enough Savile related bile until the next time </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142463 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 13:26:46 +0000 AReader 142463@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"The Reverse Funeral begins st Scarborough cemetery where the coffin of Saville will be dug up, the corpse thrown into the sea and the coffin filled with the "Jim'll Fix It" badges of people whose lives have now been blighted by winning them by appearing on his show.</p> <p>The crowd will then line up to piss on the coffin and when bladders have been fully emptied the hole will be filled in and a new headstone inscribed "British Childhood Innocence b.1960- d.2012" will be erected." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142452 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:15:15 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142452@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks. If anyone has any suggestions for beefing it up by 80 words or so, chip in. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142445 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 11:57:03 +0000 waylandsmithy 142445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More great stuff Dusty! A diamond in the mire! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142433 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:02:56 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142433@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I actually think this should take place.</p> <p>Lest we forget what a complete charade his funeral was: <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2059396/Jimmy-Savile-funeral-Golden-Coffin-taken-farewell-tour-Leeds.html">Savile Funeral Charade</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49363#post-142432 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:01:28 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142432@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thousands of former fans and Leeds residents who attended the memorial procession for Jimmy Savile in November last year will retrace their steps, walking in reverse, from Woodlands Cemetery in Scarborough to St. Anne’s Cathedral in Leeds. The procession will take place in silence as a mark of profound disrespect for the notorious paedophile and complete fucking weirdo.</p> <p>Staff at the Leeds General Infirmary, where Savile worked as a porter and probably fiddled with a lot of kids, will line up again. This time they will make a silent "wanker" sign to a chipboard coffin with the words ‘Paedo Scum’ sprayed on the side.</p> <p>A wreath bearing the numbers 208 will be the only item that will be replicated from the original funeral procession. ‘This time it won’t be there to represent the frequency of Radio Luxembourg,’ said event organiser Margaret Butterworth, ‘but to remind us of the number of young lives that this monster has ruined.’</p> <p>Monsignor Kieran Heskin will speak again at the procession. ‘I did that say that I hoped God would fix it that Jimmy would be given the ultimate reward — a place in heaven,’ said Monsignor Heskin. ‘I will now propose that God fix it for the prick to be given a celestial beasting and tossed casually into the fiery pits of hell.’</p> <p>Savile's body will be exhumed, whereupon the Royal Marines will take back their green beret and medal buried with the child molester, and the Dreams bedding store will reclaim the sprung mattress on which Savile was laid to rest. A new coffin will then be cast from the slag of hundreds of Jim'll Fix It badges that have been returned and melted down. </p> <p>Contrary to Savile's last wishes to be able to look out to sea, he will be reburied at a 45-degree angle but this time face down, so that he can stare into an endless dark oblivion guaranteed to rot his blackened soul, as opposed to the Scarborough coastline. </p> <p>'I think he's getting off lightly there,' said reverse mourner Gary Chisholm. 'To be honest there's not a lot of difference between the two views.'</p> <p>Dozens of showbiz pals from Savile’s fifty-year career as a moral vacuum will decline to attend. </p>