http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 14:58:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141817 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 11:30:06 +0000 jamsieoconnor 141817@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Just shamelessly bumping this on the pretence of thanking you all for your kind comments. Thank you all for your kind comments. </p> <p>On re-reading it, I'm just noticing I've used the phrase "risen from the grave" too often. Please feel free to insert alternative phrases along the lines of being the product of an unholy resurrection or blasphemous reanimation if it will increase your reading pleasure. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141809 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 10:44:17 +0000 pinxit 141809@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A lovely work of friction.</p> <p>Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141806 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 10:27:31 +0000 Idiot 141806@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Super, smashing, grate. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141802 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 10:10:35 +0000 sigmund 141802@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141798 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 09:59:09 +0000 Rowly 141798@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Jim'l Flue it </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141796 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 09:50:28 +0000 riesler 141796@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Was he looking at the mantelpiece while he was doing it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141776 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 08:25:31 +0000 Psycadelic Squirrel 141776@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top notch, stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141762 Fri, 05 Oct 2012 08:14:08 +0000 arthurminnit 141762@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>fireplaces are grate! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141715 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 20:56:42 +0000 waylandsmithy 141715@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep, first Savile sub to work! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141706 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 20:29:48 +0000 button 141706@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep, this is really good, and contrary to alot of the crap that has appeared in the writers room this week, a well thought out sub, which I expect was written and then refined, and then re-written, and has jokes and funny bits, rather than just posting whatever stupid shit pops into your brain. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141697 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 19:35:57 +0000 Yikes 141697@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Best Savile sub I've read .. better even than the 400 Savile tickers in the writers room :) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141696 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 19:27:47 +0000 The All New Jeni B 141696@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bonkers, but brilliant.</p> <p>I've heard that fireplaces are dirty littler goers, who are always hot for it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141693 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 19:16:18 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 141693@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Mental. Brilliant. One too many 'l' in Savile. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49116#post-141692 Thu, 04 Oct 2012 19:07:13 +0000 jamsieoconnor 141692@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Police in North Yorkshire are investigating claims that the late Jimmy Saville has risen from the grave and is now indiscriminately molesting anything he can get his putrified hands on. </p> <p>In a public press conference convened today, Chief Inspector Alan White warned people to stay indoors while the police carried out a search for Saville with burning brands and pitchforks. "We have reason to believe that this man is a dangerous sex offender, and an undead one at that, which makes it all the worse. Whenever a man's propensity for sexual perversion cannot even be tamed by the grave, then you know that you're dealing with one really sick bastard."</p> <p>The warning comes after Gabrielle Montfort, postmistress in the sleepy village of Elslack, reported that she came home early from work to find the corpse of Saville, freshly risen from the grave, engaged in a sexual act with her fireplace. </p> <p>"It was absolutely disgusting," she said. "There was just this mass of wispy hair and dead skin and appalling grunting. At first, I just thought it was my husband doing a Status Quo impression, but then he kept shouting, "Now then, now then!" louder and faster, and his big brown cigar was bobbing everywhere. It was then I realised, oh my god, Jimmy Saville has risen from the grave and he's fucking my fireplace."</p> <p>Zombie Saville's motivation for this action remains unclear, but Mrs. Montfort has revealed that her house had been recently renovated and the fireplace was only five years old and she believes that Saville may have been attracted to it for this reason. </p> <p>The solicitors of Saville's estate have been quick to rubbish these claims. "These allegations are totally preposterous," they said in a statement released today. "Mr. James Saville is sadly deceased and zombies are merely a work of fiction. Anyway, that little slut of a fireplace was asking for it." </p>