http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 02:30:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840#post-141070 Mon, 01 Oct 2012 08:54:13 +0000 Sinnick 141070@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent, can't resist anything poking fun at the pope. Great FP </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840#post-141064 Mon, 01 Oct 2012 06:53:39 +0000 Perks 141064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>great FP Dusty.Good Job </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840#post-141062 Mon, 01 Oct 2012 05:51:14 +0000 Squudge 141062@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>loving the first para, and indeed the superbly scary photo on the final FP.</p> <p>Also rather liking the touch re the Burrell wine/vinegar. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840#post-140972 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 20:24:53 +0000 FlashArry 140972@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dammit - seriously good stuff Dusty ***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840#post-140943 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 15:07:01 +0000 DustyBinLaden 140943@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry dvo. I've just canned a Spain sub for a bit for the same reason. Frustrating. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840#post-140942 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 14:59:27 +0000 dvo4fun 140942@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'll have to delay my own Vatican sub for a week or so. </p> <p>Particularly like the Paul Burrell para. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840#post-140939 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 14:54:40 +0000 button 140939@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I really don't like the sound of 'The Holy Now You See, Now You Don't'! 5 stars of Bethlehem. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48840#post-140929 Sat, 29 Sep 2012 12:03:18 +0000 DustyBinLaden 140929@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Former papal butler Paolo Gabriele has broken down in an Italian court and begged to be locked up, after receiving threats from the Vatican to “make that scene from Reservoir Dogs look like Harvest fucking Festival.”</p> <p>Pope Benedict XVI, former head of Germany’s notorious Ratzinger mob, is said to be furious over the leak of his private papers by Gabriele to the Italian media. It’s long been known that he believes forgiveness to be over-rated and “for pussies.”</p> <p>Italian judges are taking the threats seriously after two hefty nuns, Sisters Bernard and Trevor, managed to infiltrate Gabriele’s cell and, in their words, “perform extreme unction on that bitch’s skinny ass.” Gabriele was left with severe cuts and bruises before a dozen guards managed to subdue the nuns.</p> <p>At first, Gabriele’s protests when it was thought he might be handed over to the Vatican were considered overly dramatic, given that he’d been told the likely sentence would be six Hail Marys. A Vatican Archbishop, who has asked not be named, confirmed precisely what that means.</p> <p>‘A Hail Mary? No, you don’t want even <em>one</em> of those,’ said the Archbishop. ‘Repeated roundhouses by the Pope, and in between each one Gabriele gets his head in the font for five minutes. At the end he gets thrown to the nuns. Only thing worse is the Bloody Mary, and I don’t even want to talk about that. Let's just say the red papal shoes used to be white.’</p> <p>‘The Our Father, The Lord is My Shepherd, Father Forgive Me, The Irish Blessing, The Act of Contrition, Footprints… none of those are fucking prayers, man. Then there are the Pope’s own “penances” that he’s thought up all by himself. Pound of Flesh, Death from Above, Redemption, The Holy Now You See, Now You Don’t… the list goes on. Vatican criminal code use to follow Italian law, but not since Papa Benny arrived.’</p> <p>Paul Burrell, former butler to Diana, Princess of Wales, has sent a message of support to Gabriele. “I know what it’s like when you get caught stealing from those who place their trust in you, so my thoughts are with Gabriele at this difficult time. On the upside, he can now look forward to a low-rent celebrity career that will all but confirm his lust for money and attention, lived out on the higher TV channel numbers at about 2.30 on weekday afternoons. I’ve sent him a bottle of my new own-brand wine, <em>Royal Butler</em>. I don’t know, he can sprinkle it on his chips or something.” </p>