http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48786 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 01:31:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48786#post-142754 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 23:32:47 +0000 FlashArry 142754@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>with sinnick on this one -- </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48786#post-142482 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:26:19 +0000 DrTurmoil 142482@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That's the problem really -- a bump can never be unbumped... But thanks for looking at it, Sinnick. My evil needy scheme worked! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48786#post-142447 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 12:01:17 +0000 Sinnick 142447@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>.. and accidentally bumped it. Apologies accepted. Hmm.</p> <p>Missed this 1st time around, deserves more attention. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48786#post-142440 Tue, 09 Oct 2012 11:15:53 +0000 DrTurmoil 142440@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>EDIT: Deleted original comment (can you delete posts outright?) because I realised I was asking a question I probably didn't want to know the answer to. Sorry to trouble you, move along, nothing to see... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48786#post-140765 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 14:21:22 +0000 DrTurmoil 140765@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ah, bless you, thanks. Now is that "if only..." we lived in a world not judged by appearances? Or "if only..." we were dishing out cosmetic enhancements willy-nilly? I'd benefit either way. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48786#post-140726 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 10:18:18 +0000 Tripod 140726@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Now we could either try and educate society to cast aside an obsession with shallow superficial notions of an individual’s beauty and centuries of judging women on their looks not their achievements. Or put a few grand of Lottery money the way of a Harley Street plastic surgeon and be done with it.</blockquote></p> <p>Ah, if only...</p> <p>Made me laugh... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48786#post-140725 Fri, 28 Sep 2012 10:12:41 +0000 DrTurmoil 140725@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In an overhaul of Team GB’s elite performance unit, potential future Olympians are now going to be assessed on their suitability for funding based principally on their physical attractiveness. Neil Black, new performance director UK Athletics has declared he is on the hunt for a British male gold medallist who isn’t bald or ginger, and chasing the sporting holy grail that is a female gymnast who’s skilled, supple, “and has a huge pair of tits”.</p> <p>“It is not acceptable that our finest sportspeople are subject to snide remarks about their looks by blinky Scottish comedians with heads like a Spud-U-Like cast-off,” declared Black. “Now we could either try and educate society to cast aside an obsession with shallow superficial notions of an individual’s beauty and centuries of judging women on their looks not their achievements. Or put a few grand of Lottery money the way of a Harley Street plastic surgeon and be done with it. Now who’s with me?”</p> <p>UK sporting bodies are casting their net more widely as they looks to find competitors who really are the fittest the country has to offer. Page 3 girls are being encouraged to have a go at track events, by imagining the hammer is a Luis Vuitton handbag they’re having to swing because some slag tried to get her hands down their footballer boyfriend’s pants outside Chinawhite. Male models, meanwhile, are being persuaded to have a go at speedwalking “as quite a lot of them are not exactly unfamiliar with mincing about if you get my meaning”. </p> <p>The road to Rio for Team GB will now feature full and frank assessment of the desirability of all contenders. Qualification for dressage is to include a swimsuit round “although not for the horses obviously. The RSPCA would be all over us”. The men’s swimming team will also either be expected to live up to the public’s expectations of men with big hands and size 16 feet, or wear the latest in Speedo swimwear technology which “makes up in HD viewing figures what it might lose in extra aerodynamic drag”.</p> <p>“We’re trying to build a legacy here for both the athletes and the country,” insisted Black. “After all, long after Rio 2016 and when these dedicated young people’s bodies can’t meet the demands of elite sporting performance, it’d be nice for the viewers of the next few decades of celebrity reality shows if we still wouldn’t mind shagging them.” </p>