http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 01:30:01 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140558 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 13:41:30 +0000 pinxit 140558@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The rough diamond polished up pretty well I think; last lines were belting. Congrats Johnny.</p> <p>We must do lunch sometime. Get your people to to talk to mine. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140547 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 12:34:19 +0000 Anonymous 140547@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>well done Jonny lad.</p> <p>very much deserved.. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140546 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 12:26:27 +0000 Jonny Shlep 140546@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm free and I'm thanking you Mr H. :) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140545 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 12:16:18 +0000 Mr Humphries 140545@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Like it. Five from me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140540 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 12:00:50 +0000 Jonny Shlep 140540@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Indeed it did but only after the judicious application of the Ed's Profane-O-Mate "The Thinking Man's Expletive Deletive" and I'd like to take this opportunity of thanking him for it.</p> <p>I'd also like to thank Pinxit for his photoshopping dexterity and my mum for wearily succumbing to my dad's inappropriate advances around 21 years ago or thereabouts which resulted in my mewling emergence into this veil of tears and the opportunity to bask in this unexpected honour :)</p> <p>Thank you kindly to all who voted in my favour and to all those who didn't I say "very wise"</p> <p>Cheers all.</p> <p>Jonny. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140525 Thu, 27 Sep 2012 09:54:57 +0000 dvo4fun 140525@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Buffed up nicely for a FP then ... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140367 Wed, 26 Sep 2012 12:05:11 +0000 Jonny Shlep 140367@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bit of a rough diamond Pinx?......BIT OF A ROUGH DIAMOND????</p> <p>Talk about harsh, hurtful and a prime example of diabolical plebism on the grand scale! I'll have you know I've got a Sainsburys fondue set indoors matey. Admittedly I use it to smash the shells on me whelks but even so......:(</p> <p>Love the smudge by the way mate. You can almost see the beads of testosterone replete sweat on Simmo's upper lip hehehe </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140339 Wed, 26 Sep 2012 10:34:58 +0000 pinxit 140339@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The sub (like its writer I suspect) is a bit of a rough diamond.</p> <p>Some really funny bits with a good core thought following Frank's indiscreet disclosure; giving an insight into Betty's life behind the anodyne mask and that, in later life, she's 'a bit of a goer'.</p> <p>But, imvho, it's repetitive and overlong. It could do with being half the 'length'.</p> <p>And there's a couple of literals and missed quote marks missing; not to mention the misspell of 'Simpson'.</p> <p>Also, the punchline is a pretty lame cop-out.</p> <p>What does the Duke of Darkness think about her philandering? After his recent troubles in the waterworks dept, he may be glad that some mug punter is the object of the regal libido…?</p> <p>Perhaps there could be some reference gag in there to JS sharing his surname with the loathed Wallis Simpson as well?</p> <p>Meanwhile, as you ponder these thoughts and tell me to fuck off, have this one on me… =]</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/simpsonqueen1.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140324 Wed, 26 Sep 2012 09:49:21 +0000 Anonymous 140324@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hah! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48664#post-140295 Wed, 26 Sep 2012 08:18:18 +0000 Jonny Shlep 140295@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following hard on the heels of the BBC's Frank Gardener claiming that Her Majesty The Queen had discussed the extradition of rogue muslim cleric Abu Hamza with him during a private gathering, Buckingham Palace has again been rocked by claims made by senior war correspondent John Simpson that during a state banquet in honour of The Sultan Of Brunei in 2006 Her Majesty made an inappropriate advance to him when she slid her hand beneath the table and fondled his knee during a speech by the foreign secretary.</p> <p>In a statement to The Guardian newspaper the doyen of war correspondents Simpsom said. "The evening had passed off in a fairly standard and mundane fashion with speeches made by various dignitaries and so forth and Her Majesty seemed in excellent spirits, chatting to myself and others in a relaxed and friendly fashion although I did notice that she'd been drinking heavily throughout and her speech was a little slurred at times.</p> <p>It was during a long speech from the foreign secretary outlining exciting new trade opportunities between Great Britain and Brunei that I felt something touching my knee beneath the table. I glanced to my left and saw that The Queen was looking at me strangely her cheeks flushed and her lips parted in what I can only describe as a saucy pout.</p> <p>Now as you know Her Majesty is a very beautiful and alluring woman and I defy any red blooded male not to have become extremely aroused by her attentions and I was no exception. I felt the hot blood coursing through my veins and it took all my self control not to dive on top of her and snog her face off but my sense of protocol and years of BBC training in how to handle situations exactly like this one thankfully came to the fore and I hastily rose from the table claiming I was breaking my neck for a slash.</p> <p>When I got back her Majesty had moved and was now sitting alongside the Pakistani Cultural Attaché who appeared to be sweating profusely and kept glancing down at his lap.</p> <p>When I got home that evening and reached in my pocket for the door key I noticed a small slip of paper on which had been hastily scrawled a phone number and the message "Call me maybe? Elizabeth R"</p> <p>Over the next few days I was torn between my sense of decency and loyalty to my BBC employers and the almost feverish desire to take things to the next level with The Queen. Eventually and rather foolishly I let my passion take control and we went as far as to exchange a few saucy texts outlining what we'd like to do to each other but I hastily pulled the plug when she began asking for lewd pictures of me doing fake pieces to camera with my genitals on display.</p> <p>A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace last night strongly denied any wrong doing and told our reporter to "Fuck off out of it" </p>