http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 01:36:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-140288 Wed, 26 Sep 2012 08:01:19 +0000 kga6 140288@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This was excellent. (Wayland - yours was also hilarious.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-140035 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 20:31:16 +0000 rikkor 140035@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wayland, I read your previous post. Nice to see the "Rikkor is a cunt" tag. Brings back memories. Superior effort. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-140033 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 20:04:46 +0000 DustyBinLaden 140033@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ta Vertical. Brother is now, rightly, bruv. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-140016 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 17:42:59 +0000 waylandsmithy 140016@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is much more 'site style', fingers crossed the little tramp-master gets a pasting from it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-140008 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 16:59:18 +0000 DustyBinLaden 140008@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I actually really like him. I know, I know... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-140007 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 16:58:32 +0000 vertical 140007@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>very funny (I can't stand him)</p> <p>presumably soon he'll turn full circle &amp; start advocating 30 sec turkey twizzlers</p> <p>oh and it should be: pukka bruv </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-139990 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 16:35:05 +0000 dvo4fun 139990@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Dusty - that is wonderful. I laughed out loud at every para - but then I have just sunk the 3rd Large One.</p> <p>wayland's vintage 2011 - sublime </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-139988 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 16:22:24 +0000 button 139988@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 stars for you both. So 10 stars. Might try the surf n turf tomorrow for breakfast, and 1 minute sprouts for tea. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-139986 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 16:09:13 +0000 waylandsmithy 139986@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rather shamelessly, I'm bumping this on the back of it:</p> <p><a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27053">Jamie's Shit Cooking for Idiots</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-139979 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 15:18:44 +0000 Anonymous 139979@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I love it! My fave from his book is the "quick rice soup" where you simply poor uncooked rice into a cup of water, crumble in an oxo cube and hey presto, </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48568#post-139968 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 14:21:09 +0000 DustyBinLaden 139968@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Chef Jamie Oliver has single-handedly banished our kitchen fears and re-educated our palates. Now his newest publication will include spooning cold baked beans straight from the tin into our mouths, and eating cheese slices direct from the supermarket carrier bag before you even get home. One of the fifty recipes featured in <em>Jamie’s 1-Minute Meals</em> suggests randomly choosing a shelf in the fridge and then scooping its entire contents onto a large chopping board before taking it to the table.</p> <p>“He’s a genius,” said busy middle-class mother Janine Watson. “We emptied our third shelf last Friday and tucked into a sumptuous feast of mustard, uncooked bacon, a bottle of Tizer, half a jar of marmalade, my son’s packed lunch and some antibiotics that had to be kept cool. It now takes me longer to evacuate my bowels than it does for me to put a Jamie on the table.”</p> <p>Another recipe suggests a new take on mashed potato. ‘Grab a couple of nice big baking spuds,’ says the recipe. ‘Wack ‘em on the table and then lay into them with a mallet until they look like mash. Pukka, bruv.’ </p> <p>Perhaps the most ambitious of the recipes is the 1-minute duck á l’orange, consisting of one live duck and one tin of orange paint. ‘You can jazz it up with a drizzle of olive oil if you want,’ says the recipe.</p> <p>“Me and my busy girlfriend have rediscovered the joy of frozen bread,” said busy estate agent Kevin Fiesta. “I came home the other night and she’d prepared a treat. She had fifteen raw Brussels sprouts in her mouth. ‘It’s Jamie’s 1-minute mouthful of sprouts’, she’d written on a pad. She then lifted up her skirt and revealed a 1-minute knickerbocker glory. I’ve now sold our large cooker to a family of four as a bijou ‘two up-two down’ apartment close to the city centre.”</p> <p>“Jamie is consistently reducing the time we need to spend in the kitchen, but without sacrificing our love of good food,” said busy publishers Michael Joseph. “We’ve had 30-minute meals, the 20-minute meals app, the recent 15-minute meals book, but this one is certain to grab the busy public’s attention and sell like hot cakes… well, not hot cakes, that’s a ridiculous and outmoded concept. Let’s say they’ll sell like a water, milk, butter and sugar mixture.”</p> <p>Oliver’s busy publishers are also remaining tight-lipped about rumours that his next book, <em>Jamie’s 0-Minute Meals,</em> will comprise an intravenous drip that delivers a high-calorific beige milk shake direct to the stomach via the headphone socket on the iPhone. </p>