http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 05:41:40 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139856 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 22:02:22 +0000 Skoob1999 139856@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sorry Martin</p> <p> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p6-lz8XT-o">We must interupt this tantrum for a commercial break</a></p> <p>Back soon </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139855 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 22:02:16 +0000 The All New Jeni B 139855@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Martin, this is written without any satire, nastiness or anything otherwise underhand or untoward, but have you considered some form of therapy?</p> <p>I ask, because you seem genuinely angry, bitter, and, at times, a little confused.<br /> We've had at least one previous contributor who has been in genuine need of help, but mistakenly believed that a comedy site was the place to work through their problems.<br /> It's not, and eventually, that former contributor, who was a very well educated, erudite person, admitted that this, and indeed any comedy site, was not the place to seek the help he desperately needed.</p> <p>I believe the former contributor did eventually seek relevant, professional help, and the last I heard, was doing well.</p> <p>In all honesty, this is not an attack on you, a dig at you, or an attempt to undermine you, but a genuine comment. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139852 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:59:53 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 139852@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm a masochist. I'm Jeremy Kyle too. And I work for Wonga.</p> <p>Don't knock it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139850 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:57:46 +0000 Skoob1999 139850@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thick twat? Why are you being so cruel to me? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139848 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:54:59 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 139848@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Vernacular. Thick twat.</p> <p>I know, I can't help it! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139842 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:50:27 +0000 Skoob1999 139842@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Hey ma, what dem god darn flying things doing on top of each other'</p> <p>'Well son. Dem mothafuckin'</p> <p>Or did you mean motherfucking</p> <p>Love you xxx</p> <p>PS, caps lock doesn't really make it louder. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139840 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:48:04 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 139840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>That nick B doesn't get it either.</p> <p>I care?</p> <p>Do me a favour! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139839 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:46:32 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 139839@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yadda yadda yadda Skoob.</p> <p>Always the same with you.</p> <p>I hate you! Do you hear that?</p> <p>I HATE YOU!</p> <p>Regards</p> <p>Skoob.</p> <p>And you can tell your mate Button to fuck off too. I don't need no mothafuckin' conformity!</p> <p>*THUD* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139837 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:44:03 +0000 nickb 139837@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This kind of thing ends best in a big flounce but it might take a long time. I like Wayland's satirically measured helpfulness, but let's get it over with. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139832 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:38:08 +0000 Skoob1999 139832@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I used to be proud when people said I was you. Now your just coming across as a bitter drunk. Anyone got Jeremy Kyle's number </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139828 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:35:26 +0000 button 139828@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5 stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139826 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:34:38 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 139826@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I am drunk.</p> <p>Does that fit the style?</p> <p>Gets the starlings squawking though, doesn't it?</p> <p>Go on...admit it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139825 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:29:27 +0000 waylandsmithy 139825@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Doesn't fit the site style, Martin. You're not supposed to reference NB, or use 'funny' names. Also, the punctuation is all over the place. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139824 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:29:24 +0000 Skoob1999 139824@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not even a bloody hat-tip. I'm seriously thinking of splitting up from you</p> <p>And NewsBiscuit is one word, although we know that. We do the times crossword. And our name is books backwards. And books are clever. Only us and 1998 other clever people knew that </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48526#post-139821 Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:16:47 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 139821@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was somewhat taken aback today, when he discovered that he'd been posting on an internet website whilst he was still asleep.</p> <p>"I got up to watch the Liverpool v United match," Martin Shuttlecock explained. "And I had a few minutes to spare, so I logged on to my favourite comedy website. When I saw that there was nothing much going on there, I logged on to News Biscuit. And I saw that somebody had posted on there under my proper identity. It wasn't me. Unless I was sleep typing. It quite demeaned the euphoria I was feeling that I hadn't wet the bed. And then it seemed that everybody, other than me, was me, and that I was talking to myself in triplicate. It was just weird."</p> <p>Further investigations revealed that the website in question has been plagued recently by Shuttlecock in various guises. Something Shutttlecock fiercely contests.</p> <p>"It's just me! I'm not Skoob1999! Well...I am, but not that Skoob1999. The one on News Biccy. That isn't me. I'm just me!"</p> <p>"He would say that," groaned furious NB stalwart, Geranium, or Gerontius, or whatever his handle is. "The Shuttlecock bloke is an utter twat. He isn't remotely amusing, and he doesn't fit the site style. It's all well and good people going all punk and refusing to conform to the site style, but where does that leave the rest of us witless bastards? I'll hound the fucker out of town if it's the last thing I do. I'm fuming me."</p> <p>Imaginatively named Japanese comic book character Golgo, stated that he couldn't be arsed with all of this bollocks.</p> <p>Speaking as the voice of reason amidst a turbulent sea of insanity, extremely nice chappy, Smithy, said:</p> <p>"I think Shuttlecock should adapt to the site style, and develop his style to fit in with the medium. And to stop using multiple identities because it's confusing us all. And we only have small brains. Some of us have no brains at all. But we know what we like. And that's stuff that fits in. End of."</p> <p>"He can fuck off too," said Shuttlecock as he cracked a can of Stella and toasted gross stupidity. But not mediocrity, he hastened to add.</p> <p>Allegedly. </p>