http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48420 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 26 May 2013 01:17:35 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48420#post-139470 Sat, 22 Sep 2012 07:07:49 +0000 dvo4fun 139470@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep - nice re-write and love the record collection flying through the window </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48420#post-139445 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 23:07:26 +0000 Sir Lupus 139445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>nice angle on this story. stars </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48420#post-139387 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 14:18:26 +0000 andydog 139387@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks both. Revised:</p> <p>It seems politicians can't get enough of the S-Word this week. Following in Nick Clegg's footsteps the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer, Ed Balls, made an emotional and extraordinary apology. Speaking from outside his home, he said: "There's no easy way to say this: I made a pledge to keep Freddy the hamster, I didn't stick to it - and for that I am sorry. When you've made a mistake you should apologise"<br /> "It's a bit fucking late for that!" screamed Miss Balls, while being carried kicking and flailing into the house by her mother.<br /> Balls continued, "I now know that I shouldn't have made the pledge to my daughter to buy the hamster. In retrospect I can see that it's a promise we couldn't stick to. It smelled awful, shat on the rug and kept me awake at night. I'd also overlooked the financial situation at the time. Do you know how much hamster food costs? £1.40 a bag, that's how much. I've got better things to spend my money on, a £438,000 second home in Stoke Newington for one. I've met people about this issue and many of them are disappointed and angry."<br /> At that point Mr Balls' vinyl record collection was thrown violently from an upstairs bedroom window. "I fucking loved him.. her... it," Miss Balls could be heard sobbing from the bedroom.</p> <p>Freddy the hamster is now thought to be suffering from depression. A source close to the hamster said: "It broke him. The poor sod just lays in the bottom his wheel wondering what he did wrong."</p> <p>Hat tip: DustyBinLaden </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48420#post-139375 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 13:19:23 +0000 dvo4fun 139375@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>And for what it's worth, I'd replace 'Ed' with 'Ed Balls' or 'Mr Balls' to keep it more news article </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48420#post-139332 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 10:15:48 +0000 DustyBinLaden 139332@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice first sub, especially the use of Clegg-speak to justify the situation. I'd try and 'funny up' the last para. A view from the hamster perhaps. Also, if you're going to use EB as the target, it might be worth doing it in a 'bandwagon' kind of way, as in 'In a week where politicians are falling over themselves to secure a Christmas single through self-recrimination and heart-pouring regret, Ed Balls today apologised...' and so on. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48420#post-139330 Fri, 21 Sep 2012 09:44:30 +0000 andydog 139330@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Speaking from his garage in his North London home Ed made this emotional and extraordinary apology "There's no easy way to say this: I made a pledge to keep the hamster, I didn't stick to it - and for that I am sorry. When you've made a mistake you should apologise"<br /> Ed continued, "I know know that I shouldn't have made the pledge to my daughter to buy the hamster. In retrospect I can see that it's a promise we couldn't stick to. It smelled awful, shat on the rug and kept me awake at night. I'd also overlooked the financial situation at the time - do you know how much hamster food costs? £1.40 a bag, that's how much. I've got better things to spend my money on, a £438,000 second home in Stoke Newington for one. I've met people about this issue and many of them are disappointed and angry."<br /> Mr Balls' daughter for one was said to be 'fucking furious'. Speaking from outside her school gates Miss Balls, age 6, elaborated, 'Apart from the first week, I was pretty indifferent to the hamsters existence. I didn't even notice it had gone, but I'll tell you one thing, I bloody well loved him (or her).'</p> <p>The new owners of the hamster, Mr and Mrs Pickles were coy on the whereabouts of 'Freddy' although the couples cat had a twinkle in its eye an was said to be in fine health. </p>