http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 17:26:27 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-139160 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 09:09:37 +0000 jamsieoconnor 139160@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yay! First (and probably last) FP. Thanks for the advice and support (and a pic of Petter Solberg - double yay!) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-139149 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 08:31:40 +0000 DustyBinLaden 139149@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Congratulations on the FP. Cracker. The piece about what they actually say (all that 5 this and 2 that malarkey) was spot-fucking-on. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-139141 Thu, 20 Sep 2012 08:11:19 +0000 dvo4fun 139141@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Really lovely FP </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-139105 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 23:06:53 +0000 FlashArry 139105@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Huzzah ! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-139103 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 23:00:10 +0000 Perks 139103@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice fp. Worth the rewrite </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138840 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 12:11:20 +0000 gregle 138840@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great re-write. Bring on the FP </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138838 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 11:50:34 +0000 FlashArry 138838@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>- shameless nudge - </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138756 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:52:43 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138756@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good luck. Would like to see this as an FP. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138755 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:49:14 +0000 FlashArry 138755@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>***** Bloody funny anyway, but a really sharp re-write. Over to the editorial team then .... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138754 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:49:10 +0000 waylandsmithy 138754@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Maybe the 'navigator' is just someone who clambered in through the cage at the car's press launch for a photo, and the mechanics couldn't work out how to get him out again?</p> <p>Great idea though, love it! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138752 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:45:27 +0000 writinginbsl 138752@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>agree with button-much improved </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138738 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 19:33:17 +0000 button 138738@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice re-write </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138735 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 19:16:25 +0000 dvo4fun 138735@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cracker </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138714 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 17:11:32 +0000 jamsieoconnor 138714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yikes - you must be either a cop or a lawyer (or something similar) if you really loved that story. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138712 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 17:06:15 +0000 jamsieoconnor 138712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I included the kidnapping part because I couldn't think of a reason for them to be there if they were just spouting nonsense, but I you're definitely right. Maybe something like:</p> <p>Top British rally driver, Mark Fisher, today found himself at the centre of a storm of controversy after confessing that he had absolutely no idea what his long term co-driver, Gethyn Davis, was talking about when he read pace notes during racing. </p> <p>Pace notes are supposedly read by the co-driver to the driver to tell him the layout of the road ahead, but Fisher has claimed that they are total nonsense and that he has simply been humouring his co-driver for several years. "It's just gibberish", he said, "but the regulations say that there must  be two people in the car at all times during the race and Gethyn was a good mate, so I always just took him along for the ride."</p> <p>Davis is reported to be furious at Fisher's statement and maintains that they were equal partners in a team, but Fisher has been quick to dismiss this. </p> <p>"Oh, come on", he said. "I mean, 50 5 left and stop 2 right half minus braking into K right 90 maybe and absolute crest 500.  What the hell am I supposed to make of that when I'm flat out over a jump sideways at 90mph?"</p> <p>This is not the first time that Fisher has courted controversy over the role of co-drivers. In 2009, he claimed that a lack of willing co-drivers in Finland had led to a spate of homeless men being kidnapped and forcibly strapped screaming into passenger seats in numerous rallies to ensure that the two people in the car rule was complied with. As evidence for this, he produced onboard footage from a car taking part in the Jyvaskyla Rally in Finland, in which he claimed that a translation of the co-driver's Finnish "pace notes" revealed that he was merely screaming the words, "Oh shit!" over and over again, occasionally interspersed with other phrases including, "Watch out for that cat" and "Slow down, you mad bastard." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138702 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 15:32:07 +0000 newsbiscuit editorial team 138702@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There are two very nice ideas in here: that rally co-drivers are spouting meaningless nonsense and are being humoured by their drivers, and that co-drivers are actually kidnap victims. But the two don't seem to fit together very comfortably - in one the co-driver is being allowed to stay despite being of no help, in the other he is being forced to stay.</p> <p>There's probably plenty of comedy mileage in both (for example, co-drivers accompanying their drivers on shopping trips, dates, etc), but the story would be stronger if it stuck to one or the other. At present the headline is about the pace notes system, but the story is largely about kidnapping. Or is there another clever way to seamlessly combine the two? Would jamesieoconnor or someone else like to have another go at this and turn it into a surefire FP? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138626 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 09:09:58 +0000 Yikes 138626@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny alright. And agree with everyone re dropping last para ...</p> <p>And I really loved your "Best reply after a caution" story!!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138603 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 07:54:04 +0000 button 138603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What they said. Really funny, and the penultimate para is the one to finish on. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138600 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 07:41:09 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138600@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cracking piece. 5*. For what it's worth, tightening it to an FP word count would, for me, make it even sweeter. It's perhaps a bit 'busy' at the moment. Para 5 is a piece of genius. Also, agree with dvo4fun. Pen para is a stronger finish. Nice one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138599 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 07:35:00 +0000 dvo4fun 138599@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love the idea. Probably wants pruning down to get to FP length and I think penultimate para probably has the better punchline. Maybe the last para could go in the pruning. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138593 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 06:35:03 +0000 Queen of Tarts 138593@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Slow down, you mad bastard<br /> 5 star </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48160#post-138587 Sun, 16 Sep 2012 23:47:51 +0000 jamsieoconnor 138587@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Top British rally driver, Mark Fisher, has found himself at the centre of a police and FIA investigation following a number of shocking admissions made by him in his recently published autobiography, "Why Formula 1 Is Gay."</p> <p>Fisher, who has competed at the very highest level of the sport, is currently believed to be assisting police with their enquiries in relation to the alleged kidnap and false imprisonment of Gethyn Davis, who was believed to have voluntarily acted as Fisher's co-driver for the last five years. </p> <p>However, in Fisher's book, he appears to admit that Davis was actually held prisoner by him, strapped into the car against his will and then subjected to terrifying high speed runs of up to 140mph on insanely narrow, bumpy and rock strewn roads for Fisher's own sadistic entertainment. </p> <p>At a press conference to promote the launch of the book in Cardiff earlier today, Fisher issued an apology to his co-driver for the years of terror he had inflicted on him, saying that he was genuinely remorseful and that he now wanted to make amends and to help the police and the FIA stamp out what he described as a "cruel standard practice" for rally drivers. </p> <p>"All the top drivers kidnap their co-drivers", he said. "I mean, you don't think anyone would be crazy enough to be a co-driver voluntarily, do you?  We all just love scaring the shit out of passengers and kidnapping them was the only way we could get them into the car." He went on to explain that pace notes, the system whereby the co-driver supposedly describes the road ahead to the driver, were a complete sham and had merely been invented by drivers as a subterfuge to provide an excuse for their victims to be in the car. "There isn't any such thing as pace notes", he explained. "It's all just gibberish.  I mean, 50 5 left and stop 2 right half minus braking into K right 90 maybe and absolute crest 500. What the hell am I supposed to make of that when I'm going flat out sideways at 90 miles an hour?" he said.</p> <p>Fisher went on to claim that some co-drivers occasionally became so distressed while racing that they were too scared to even read the pace notes provided to them.  He backed up his claim by showing an onboard  video of Finnish world rally star Kuni Lahtinnen and his co-driver Peri Harvinsson during the Irish round of the World Rally Championship in 2009. A translation of the co-driver's "pace notes" revealed that he was simply shouting the words, "Oh shit" over and over again, occasionally interspersed with other phrases including, "Watch out for that cat" and, "Slow down, you mad bastard."</p> <p>Police have declined to comment on what action they intend to take in this matter but have indicated that certain noises coming from the yard of the police station, including turbo charged engine revs, tyre squeals and whoops of joy relate to "examination of evidence" in connection with an ongoing investigation. </p>