http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47959 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 11:19:46 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47959#post-137814 Wed, 12 Sep 2012 10:06:41 +0000 Gerontius 137814@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The US military have told the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency that they will need to go back to the drawing board before they are prepared to take delivery of the latest batch of military hardware after finding elementary design flaws in a robotic dog.<br /> Although the dog – nicknamed the Alpha Dog – responds to commands from a touch screen device and can stand upright, walk for over 20 miles without a break and can carry a pay-load of 400lb it is still unable to lick its own genitals.<br /> Chief of Staff at a US military base in Masssachusetts confirmed that when the robotic dog has finished the 20 mile hike and eventually closes down after completing its daily tasks, it is left to one of the Green Berets to give its robotic sweetmeats a thorough going over with his tongue.<br /> ‘Yes, ironically we have to get one of our Privates to deal with the robot’s privates’ said Brigadier General Henry D. Grubecker ‘which is fine if you got some red-neck volunteer from Alabama in your unit who has been brought up on that sort of thing. But not everyone has’.<br /> But DERPA insisted the lack of genital licking capabilities was down to a shortfall in their research budget and it would be more cost effect to recruit from within the US Bible belt than waste money on robotic tongues.<br /> However DERPA did admit they would need to do something about the robotic dog’s basic instinct to hump anything it could get its telescopic leg over.<br /> ‘Yes, that needs to be sorted’ agreed the DERPA scientist ‘even if the Alabama guy did make the first move’. </p>