http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 26 May 2013 07:23:35 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137713 Tue, 11 Sep 2012 20:01:32 +0000 Quaz 137713@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@sinnick</p> <p>I once had a member of the accounts department who was working on an audit ask to see one of the virtual servers. Imagine the fun I had explaining to him that not only could he not see the physical server, but it could be in one of 2 server rooms, depending on how we were load balancing that day. Oh, the IT Crowd doesn't even come close to the giggles to be had in this game. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137648 Tue, 11 Sep 2012 15:48:03 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 137648@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@Scroat - That's worth a whole new thread! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137646 Tue, 11 Sep 2012 15:42:15 +0000 Scroat 137646@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@ Shuttlecock. A bloke came on the Simon Bates show who had lost both his legs in a car crash.</p> <p>His tune was 'Baggy Trousers' by Madness.</p> <p>Really. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137598 Tue, 11 Sep 2012 10:36:07 +0000 Sinnick 137598@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>MS, Simon Bates is now on Smooth, along with other familiar names, and I believe he still does "our song".</p> <p>A huge prize for the best contrived "our song" story ...</p> <p>btw, that reminds me of a former colleague:<br /> Boss: "Have you finished that report yet ?"<br /> Gary: "Virtually"<br /> (to an IT nerd, this means "not really" - oh how we laughed) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137575 Tue, 11 Sep 2012 07:18:07 +0000 Gerontius 137575@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>My mom often sent me to the shops too.<br /> Here's a typical shopping list<br /> Teabags<br /> 2lb carrots<br /> Fairy Liquid<br /> drw<br /> 1/2lb cheese<br /> newspaper<br /> tin foil<br /> No....I've no idea either. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137568 Tue, 11 Sep 2012 05:38:15 +0000 Golgo13 137568@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I agree with Quaz on this one. I wrote "white dog poo" because I thought it was a well known "hack" cliche for nostalgia-comedy of "hey! Do you remember..." Peter Kay variety. So I was trying to very obliquely warn against its use. And against just putting up a list of stuff that you don't see any more to get nostalgia laughs. As in the examples above, an angle for each one has to be developed, and not just "Texan bars, eh? D'ya remember Texan bars? What happened to them? Is it just me, or are Wagon Wheels a lot smaller now?...and your mam used to shout up when Monkey came on, eh? D'ya remember?"</p> <p>Has anyone come up with a word for this genre? Nostemedy? Comalgia? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137565 Tue, 11 Sep 2012 00:09:16 +0000 Quaz 137565@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, Ok Jen, sorry but I pulled the white dog poo bit because I thought Life on Mars had done it to death. Some nice other ideas though. I reckon this could be a column. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137545 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:08:26 +0000 The All New Jeni B 137545@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh you've reminded me of another Drylaw, kids being sent to the shops with a note from mum or dad asking the shopkeeper to sell them cigarettes. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137544 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 21:05:59 +0000 Drylaw 137544@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Players No 10 fags. The tip was bigger than the smokeable bit. I'd like one now.</p> <p>I always thought the shrubbery porn resulted from 60s motorists parking up country lanes, being disturbed and throwing the mag out of the window while accelerating away shamefacedly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137510 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 17:49:58 +0000 Gerontius 137510@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>We had our own Snake Belt Gang back in Bridgnorth c1962-66....you wonder why such a stylish and versatile fashion accessory could have died out.<br /> I did post a rather unpleasant 'white dog-shit' sub over in the other room a while back...it was heavily influenced by the Jeni/Quaz fascination for the chalky dog pooh.<br /> My mate Albert reckoned you could smoke it...not just put it between your lips and spark up....you needed to crumble it up and add it to your roll-up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137506 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 17:37:57 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 137506@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I seem to vaguely recall one of the bigger boys telling me that white dog shit was really cake. Needless to say, I didn't fall for it.</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137503 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 16:50:22 +0000 The All New Jeni B 137503@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks all.<br /> The white dog shite didn't make the final cut, although it was an integral part of the original.<br /> It ceased to exist when legislation was brought in due to the first Foot and Mouth outbreak. Using ground up animal bones in animal feed was banned, thus killing off the white dog shit of our youth.</p> <p>Some good suggestions too, might do a rewrite with some of those.<br /> And if you think the white dog shit should be returned, let us know. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137502 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 16:28:38 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 137502@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thoroughly enjoyable piece. Thanks Quaz and Jeni. You got my five.</p> <p>Chopper bicycles? That Radio 1 DJ who used to do the tragic love stories with soppy music in the background? (Simon Bates?) Bus conductors? Discos? Chicken in a basket? Washing up? Ironing boards? Political incorrectness? (Thinking of TV here - Love Thy Neighbour and Mind Your Language) Pie shops? Stereos that you didn't have to do a welding job on after four or five days because one speaker never worked? Handbag dancing for girls? B-Movies? Phone boxes? Park Rangers? Scratched LP's?</p> <p>Maybe not...</p> <p>Shuttlecock </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137499 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 16:19:26 +0000 dvo4fun 137499@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh ... and some stars as well </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137497 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 16:18:25 +0000 dvo4fun 137497@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmm... what was that white dog poo thing? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137493 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 16:02:29 +0000 Golgo13 137493@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>White dog poo, Spangles, MONKEY!!!</p> <p>...we're skating close to Peter Kay Remembers territory, though... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137491 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 15:58:38 +0000 The All New Jeni B 137491@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>simon, clearly we're not alone in having numerous memories triggered by talking about this, but we had to stick with ubiquitous items. Quaz mentioned some mentalist on Oxford Street, and while a lot of Biscuits would get the reference, others wouldn't.<br /> It was the same for me, we had a mad wee wino who shouted lots of incomprehensible and sweary things, the only understandable words ever being "...c'mon the 'tic!" (Celtic FC), but that was also too region specific.</p> <p>We're open to suggestions for other 'Where Are They Nows?' though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137480 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 13:25:25 +0000 simonjmr 137480@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Shoes over telephone wires, a high street without a Starbucks, Farah's, Fila tracksuits (still can be seen in Newport South Wales and Liverpool), Shouty lunatics who scream at cars seem to have been replaced by evangelical christians (not much difference I know but the shouty loons of yesteryear were more coherent).</p> <p>The Dancing Lady of (Telford - I think) - who would appear every lunchtime outside the shopping precinct in a Business Suit and heels, complete with a Boom Box and would then proceed to do a full dance routine for 45 minutes to the music from her Boom Box </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47887#post-137474 Mon, 10 Sep 2012 12:43:08 +0000 Quaz 137474@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As we all deal with austerity and Broken Britain, we take a look back on the things we remember and ask “Where are they now?”</p> <p><strong>The Great British Wino:</strong> Once a stalwart of every city centre, the Wino is now an endangered species. Where once a trip into town was not complete without an encounter with an elderly chap, dressed in tattered and frayed Great Coat, tweed trousers and scruffy beard shouting random incomprehensible insults at passers-by, the sight of a Great British Wino is becoming increasingly rare. This group of men, soaked in cheap alcohol and their own urine have been forced out of their natural habitat by the now thriving "Junkie”. Alcohol prohibition orders have forced the Wino’s into out of town locations, much like Next and Halfords.</p> <p><strong>Porno Mags in Shrubbery:</strong> Once a frequently spotted piece of litter, the torn out pages of top-shelf magazines such as; Fiesta, Escort and Razzle could be found in amongst hedges, bushes and other shrubbery up and down the country. Often seen in public parks, the porn in shrub was killed off by the advent of internet pornography, and sadly looks to be beyond revival. Anne Summers are said to be thinking of marketing a range of damp paper copies of Readers Wives with some stuck together paper on the good bits to bring some spark into the bedroom of worn out men of a certain age.</p> <p><strong>Snake Belts:</strong> Much favoured by mothers of the 70s, this elasticated belt had two 's' shaped clasps, which interlocked to hold up too big trousers and skirts, to accessories jumps-suits, and to prevent accidental hangings from the climbing frame. The snake belt was usurped by the 'Mod Belt" which was a length of webbing with a metal tab at one end and a buckle similar in principle to the locking mechanism of a seat-belt at the other. Worn with the 'tail' of the belt hanging down, these became useful weapons when wrapped around a teenage knuckle. Seemingly this was surpassed by glassing, stabbing and shooting.</p> <p><strong>Imminent Nuclear Attack Drills:</strong> No home in the 80s was complete without a stock of plain, light coloured sheets, tins of whitewash and a larder full of tinned and dried foods. Many households went a step further and held regular drills to prepare the family for action in the event of a nuclear attack by the Russians, and upon hearing 'The Four Minute Warning', believed that by draping sheets over the kitchen table, painting over all windows and doors with whitewash and hiding under their sheet-draped table, they could survive for up to a year, in which time it was hoped that by continuously tuning into their AM radio, they would hear that the all clear had been given, and that they could leave the cover of their table. That's if their home hadn't been ransacked by nuke-deformed mutant zombies of course. This lives on in forty something parents who always have to keep a torch, spare batteries, a Swiss Army Knife and a radio to hand. On the plus side, it is a form of PTSD that works well for festivals. </p> <p>An expert in care of the elderly has commented that it is vital for the younger generation to be aware of these things because “Once these people get Alzheimer’s, it’s pretty much all they will talk about.”</p> <p>A joint JeniB and Quaz production </p>