http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47829 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 09:04:25 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47829#post-137428 Sun, 09 Sep 2012 21:15:05 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 137428@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hey! One star guy! You're slacking!</p> <p>Sort it out!</p> <p>Shuttlecock. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47829#post-137291 Sat, 08 Sep 2012 04:46:26 +0000 Martin Shuttlecock 137291@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Leading philosopher and intellectual, Lesley C. Champion stated yesterday in a hastily adjourned meeting at the UN in New York City, that although she's a flag carrying torch bearer for, amongst other things, 'stray dogs on the mean streets of Castleford, in Yorkshire' and a confused vision of how things 'ought to be' - that she's never cast a vote in her life.</p> <p>Ms Champion announced that voting is pointless, and that all politicians are corrupt. As are bankers, hot dog vendors, kebab shop proprietors, and captains of industry.</p> <p>And people in general.</p> <p>"It's a sad world indeed," Ms Champion told a press conference. "Where selfish people are more interested in making money to serve their own and their familiy's egocentric needs, rather than donating their cash to the preservation of endangered howler monkeys, starving Nile crocodiles, or even domestic cats. Cats have to endure fleas - I mean, what's that all about? In this day and age? People can fight for themselves. Like in Syria. But who looks after the cuddly, furry animals? Nobody seems to care any more. Our humanity appears to have been spunked off out of the window by blokes in suits who seem to lead us on from one disaster to another. As a mark of protest I shall continue to refrain from voting, and supporting a corrupt and injudicial system, and furthermore - I won't tell anybody I'm doing it. That way they can all join in without fear of recriminations. . And nobody will ever be any the wiser. I'm a proper revolutionary me, and no mistake."</p> <p>At which point, an inquisitive reporter from the london Times asked:</p> <p>"So you're going to do absolutely nothing as a mark of protest? What do you hope to achieve?"</p> <p>"I'll know," said Ms Champion. "And that's all that matters to me. Anyone up for a word game with people who can't spell? I hate people who are intolerant. They just don't get it."</p> <p>A final message?</p> <p>"Yes." said Ms Champion. "Do nothing. Say nothing. Just seethe in private. Voting achieves nothing. And if you really want to spread the message - write satire about subjects you don't have even the most basic clue about. It works for me! Failing that, I just hide in the loft. Or write utter bollocks on crap websites."</p> <p>Oh for God's sake...</p> <p>This really is pathetic. </p>